I’m Speaking at BlogU 2015 and I Have New Cards to Impress Everyone

They even are super thick with a blue border around the edge because I'm a fancy shit.
Thoughts From Paris Business Cards
They are even super thick with a blue border around the edge because I’m a fancy shit.

Impressed by my new cards?

Excuse me – my new “I’m so cool I don’t even need to put links to my website, social media, or TracFone number on my cards” cards?

Quick sidebar – About a year ago a PR company saw that I had a big Twitter following and called a meeting. We brainstormed a few ideas on how I could write funny stuff for their clients. One of the clients was TracFone to which I immediately said aloud, “This would be a great campaign since I’m not a drug dealer. We could call it, ‘The First Time a Non-Drug Dealer Ever Used a TracFone’ and, oh by the way, do they know that only drug dealers use their phones?” The PR firm said that their client was well aware. I never heard from that PR firm or TracFone again after that. READ MORE

I Could Have Sold Wiener Pills for Earth, Wind, and Fire

I feel like
D.J. Paris Earth Wind Fire
Now that I’m looking at the combination of the band and my professionalism, I may have made the wrong decision. This just works.

About fifteen years ago I found myself sitting in my parent’s backyard having beers with a guy I knew from grade school.

I had been traveling around the country working for a beer company doing marketing but my contract was now up. The only job prospect I had was from Pfizer who had called and asked if I wanted to tour with Earth, Wind, and Fire. Now, even though I’m a competent guitar player,  the band wasn’t looking to feature my solo acoustic songs as their opening act. Which makes sense because my original music sucks. Well, I mean, it’s great as long as you love aggressive riffs played sloppily without any recognizable structure. Oh, and I don’t write lyrics. Also, choruses are really hard. READ MORE

Low Self-Esteem is Pretty Great, Actually!

Yes, I'm about to ease your suffering. Prepare yourself.
Low Self Esteem
Yes, I’m about to ease your suffering. Prepare yourself.

Nobody ever talks about the advantage of low self-esteem.

The best part of thinking that you’re a piece of subhuman garbage is that you learn how to obtain validation from others. Sure, it’ll land you in therapy after twenty or thirty years when you suffer a nervous breakdown, but there’s some benefit along the way. READ MORE

The ThoughtsFromParis 2014 Holiday Card

Every year I find holiday cards both exciting and disappointing.

First, it’s validating to know that someone took the time to write out my address. I’m bummed that most only send picture cards without messages. Reading somebody’s handwriting feels more intimate. Especially if there’s something in there that’s personal. Many years ago when I was dealing with divorce I wrote a paragraph on each card. I wanted to express the importance of their support during that difficult time. I remember crying through most of it and with one card I literally cried onto the card and it wrinkled in that spot. It’s is a good reminder to me for next year not to just throw a picture card in an envelope but actually write a few words. Growing up I thought I was worth leaving as I didn’t have much self-esteem. The fact that I have friends that have stuck around to this day amazes me. I know on paper I’m a pretty great guy, but inside those wounds are not completely healed. READ MORE