When I was nine my mom brought home a black cat that was hanging out by the dumpster at the Junior League. It was our first family pet, and we named her Shadow.
Actually, that’s not entirely true as we had two cats when I was born but I think they bit me or my sister and were removed.
When I was twenty seven my sister bought me a fondue set for my birthday. At the time I had only eaten fondue once at a Melting Pot chain restaurant.
Umm… Thanks for the gift, Dana.
You don’t like it?
No, it’s not that. I mean it’s cool and all, but I don’t snack on cheese and I’m not interested in dipping strawberries into chocolate.
I am absolutely not joking when I write that I had to Google “in the black” to confirm that the meaning of that idiom is “making money.”
I thought it might be “in the red” or for some reason, “in the pink.”
Okay, it’s been way TOO long since my last Celebtweets. I’ve been busy and haven’t been bothering celebrities like I know I should.
In the past I’ve won the attention of Jackie Stallone and incurred the wrath and then love of Steve Agee.
I thought I would try something I’d never done before – tell a story via webcam.
Why? Well, because this one is way too long to try to type out. It took me over ten minutes to tell, and I talk fast!
Traditional web video wisdom states that anything longer that two minutes will not be watched by most readers. I believe this to be true for other sites, but not for MY readers! My readers love me, and have nothing better to do. Their lives sort of suck.
Yesterday I rolled out a new feature on the site called…
This is where you send me an image and I write a funny caption as only my wit can perform so effortlessly and effectively. Please send in your photos to dj@thoughtsfromparis.com and I’ll try to do something awesome for you.
A reader named Suzanne sent me this photo and wrote…
Please use this photo in your next post and write something funny in the caption.
Now, I’ll admit that particular line isn’t my best but it’s still a solid seven. I’m pretty damned good at writing funny captions on pictures.
I’ve previously discussed how my cat Pantaloons has an unfortunate habit of urinating outside her litter box.
More specifically she urinates on the rug just to the right of my bed. This is where, when I spring out of bed in the morning (and yes, I spring), I step. Now, thankfully she hasn’t ever done it in the middle of the night because I get up at least twice like an old man.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
