I am so incredibly exhausted right now – I will attempt to make it through this post without taking a nose-dive into the keyboard. By the way, wouldn’t it be awesome that, in my unconsiousness, my true self took over and started typing with my nose?
I Left Doody! – A Confession
Knock it off, Dan. We know you made that yourself. Please move out of your mom's basement. The costume, Dan. You're 38.
I made a mistake at work last night.
Being the last one to leave, I was responsible for turning off the lights, setting the air conditioner, locking up, etc. This happens quite a bit – no big deal. Takes all of thirty seconds.
This morning I came in and one of my coworkers asked if I was the last one to leave. I said yes. He asked if I noticed that somebody didn’t flush the toilet last night. I had just been in the bathroom moments before and noticed that there was a little toilet paper in the bowl – someone forgot to flush. I reached over and flushed it. No big deal.
Some Skag Threw A Penny At Me!
I don't look this cool on my bicycle, nor with my shirt off.
Every other Monday after work I got to a men’s group where we talk about our lives, feelings, dealing with stuff, etc. Sounds girly? Nah. We do hug each other hello, though. Then we push the other guy away and yell a homophobic slur.
Sometimes People On The Internet Are Real!
Lil' Miss Meepers, Gwen, Lola, D.J., and D.J.'s chest sweat. (Hey, I biked 8 miles to get here with the goddamned dog on my back!)
I had the pleasure today of meeting one of my favorite bloggers and reader of mine, Gwen Hartley. She has a fantastic website TheHartleyHooligans which chronicles her life as a mother and wife. It is both funny and touching.
She has been a supporter of my writing and over the past year we’ve developed an online friendship. In a weird coincidence, one of my other readers who I’m close with, Mary, is good friends with Gwen’s best friend. Anyway, Gwen and her husband Scott live outside Wichita, which I have been told is in Kansas.
Blog From the Bathtub
I didn't realize that rose petals and horchata made for great bathing substrate. Going on my to-do list.
Months ago I did a vlog from the bathtub. It was pretty gross.
That was the last time I took a bath. Well, it’s Saturday night and my dance card is empty, so it’s time for a soak. …In a porcelain tub with a glass of water. And a cat walking around. And a dog hiding because she thinks I’m going to pull her in (which I totally do, it’s how she gets bathed).
$115 at 100 °
Looked for the cheesiest visual representation of a "bad day.†Found it.
This morning when I biked to work, I really shouldn’t have.
It was 90 ° at 7:45am with humidity above 50%. I had the dog in a backpack, and a pack of my suit and clothes sitting above the rear wheel. I bike along Lake Michigan, and, while beautiful, is also tough because the wind coming off the lake is usually shooting right at me.
Do NOT Touch the Thermostat!
You can tell by their expressions that these kids were terrified to shit of their folks.
I am not a parent. Not yet.
(Aren’t you glad I didn’t do a “not that I know of†joke? Those are never funny. Plus, I can tell by looking at a woman how fertile she is. I never went for those chicks.)
(Yes, that was a joke. Would be an awesome skill for a guy at twenty two, though. “I’m sorry Sally, I can’t take you to the Bijou tonight. You appear too fertile. I will instead accompany your roommate, Madeline. Good morrow!â€)
Twitter Fight!
Hmm... Candyman is a lot less scary than I remember.
I spent the last few hours responding to (I’m pretty sure) every comment that has been posted on this site in the previous week. It was like 80, and I’m all joked out.
Yesterday I wrote a post where I talked about how I can manually go in and edit your comments should I so desire. Just in case you have forgotten I am a humor blogger. I would never edit your crap. Well, I would like to. But I wouldn’t. I did have to ban a few people months ago for being insensitive to social politeness.
I Can Now Edit All Of Your Comments
The one in the white is not happy I rewrote her comment to say that the one in the pink is "hippy.â€
My favorite tech company, LiveFyre, has finally given us bloggers the keys to the kingdom.
We can now edit your comments as we see fit.
I am going to have so much fun with this. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I’ve decided to set up each day with a theme. Of course I’m going to take all your comments and adjust them to fit the following theme.
