I Have Never Watched A Weatherman

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It’s estimated that today we’re supposed to receive two to four inches of snow here in Chicago.   Just two days ago it was 51 degrees.   Been a great January so far.

Yesterday the big news was that it was supposed to be six to eight inches.   I’m pretty sure that weathermen always overestimate so that their viewers will feel relieved when it’s much milder.  Here’s a reenactment.

Yesterday

weatherman
Tomorrow seventeen inches of rain that smells like unflushed asparagus urine is predicted to follow you around. Also, you will forget your umbrella.

Today

Weatherman
Well, it looks like Mother Nature gave us a break yesterday. That stinky pee rain never came, and in fact, we had a high of 74. I even cruised around in the IROC with the t-top out! Oh, but tomorrow the Doppler predicts that an avalanche will cover your village. Stay inside.

Also, can we all agree that weathermen need to go away?  They’re not necessary or needed.   We get our weather from our phones, which, not surprisingly, is exactly where the local ABC anchor weather guy gets it.

I have a friend whose husband is one of the field reporters for one of the big three networks.   This is near the top of the news reporter food chain.   The only next step is to unseat Brian Williams or Katie Couric or whoever the other guy is.   So, I asked his professional opinion about weatherman.   I hypothesized that they are not respected and are the morons of the reporter community.

While he didn’t verbally confirm this, he repeatedly tapped his nose with his index finger, winked seven times, and nodded vigorously.

Then he said, “Leave me alone, I have to do a story on those Marines peeing on the dead Taliban.   Ratings gold!”

To end this post, here is rocker Andrew W.K. doing a way better job reporting the weather than your guy.

One thought on “I Have Never Watched A Weatherman”

  1. BellyBillboard says:

    Any job who’s only requirement is looking outside your window and letting everyone else know what’s going on is usually a pretty cushy gig. But when you’re allowed to be wrong more than you’re right, you’ve become a weather forecaster. Add a bad haircut, awkward banter with the “real” newsfolks, and an ill fitting suit (only if you’re chubby) and you’ve got the best weatherman ever! Willard Scott, Al Roker….ummmm…yeah, just them.

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