Earlier last month a very generous reader sent me a pair of shower gloves with my initials to use as a stocking.
And then, nothing.
You fans suck! I actually prayed to Jesus that he would deliver all of you bad tidings for Christmas. Or wait, is that Santa that hands out the tidings?
Speaking of – I’m super excited right now, because I just learned about Santa’s evil partner! Set your phasers to “blown” and aim ’em at your minds. Check this out.
On Christmas Eve, St. Nicholas (that’s Santa for all your Jewish, Muslim, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Mormons. Wait, do Mormons believe in… ah, I really don’t care.). Let’s reboot.
On Christmas Eve, St. Nicholas jumps in his sleigh and starts whipping reindeer. But what if you’ve been naughty?
Not to fear because Krampus is on the job!
Krampus is St. Nick’s buddy who hangs with Santa in the sleigh during the night. However, instead of handing out toys, he creeps into bad children’s bedrooms and stuffs the offending boy or girl (let’s face it, it’s mostly boys) into his gunny sack. Then he takes them home and eats them for Christmas dinner.
No, I am not making this up. Check out what Krampus looks like. Pretty awesome. Pretty damned awesome.
So, don’t let the mythology of Krampus disappear. Shame your children into good behavior. By the way, Krampus is really huge in the Alpine countries. And when’s the last time Austria caused any problems? Maybe it works!
Part of me hopes Krampus visits your home this Christmas since you didn’t send me anything after all the awesome and free content I provide you nearly every day!
But at least for one of you, I hope Krampus passes over your house and into your neighbor’s condo.
Today I received a homemade reader holiday card in the mail! The reader, whom I’ll call Levar Burton, sent me this lovely item.
Thank you, Levar Burton!
thebleupills says:
That card looks gorgeous. Look at all that glitter!! 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
@thebleupills It was a lovely surprise. But then, I’m incredibly needy.
jennapooh1971 says:
So, the plural of Krampus is Krampusse. They travel in packs when they come down the mountain to whip young maidens. The basis of Freud’s views are becoming clearer and clearer to me…
And that is a beautiful card. You do have some excellent readers!
D.J. Paris says:
@jennapooh1971 My readers are great! And thank you for NOT sending me a card! Well done.
jennapooh1971 says:
I was so late joining your merry band that I missed out on your offer of sending out cards and didn’t want you to feel awkward about recieving one from me anyway. So see, it was for your own benefit that I restrained myself. But cheer up, there’s always next year! Unless the zombie apocolypse hits, at which point I don’t hold out much hope for you, what with living in a densly populated area and all.
chickinabox says:
I grew up believing in the Krampus and I turned out perfectly OK… this is a GREAT thing to tell kids about…
D.J. Paris says:
@chickinabox Well, you turned out. That’s true.