I Owe TheBloggess An O’Doul’s

the bloggess

I was supposed to watch TheBloggess speak at an event in LA a month ago.

Jenny was to be a featured keynote at a convention I was attending, and I was pretty excited.   I emailed her and told her I would wait until after her session and give her a solid open-mouth kiss.   Also, take a photo.

Unfortunately, she had to bail due to a scheduling conflict.   Bitch.

But instead of shanking her with my Leatherman as I camped out at her local Walgreens watching from one aisle over as she bought heavy-flow pads, I decided to get back at her in a more civil and mature way.

I am stealing her audience.

Well, “borrowing” is a better word.   Her audience really loves her.   I know this because nearly every day one of her fans emails me and tells me they found me through her website.   And they should, because I’m one of her sponsors.   Best money I’ve ever spent (and continue to spend).

I was averaging around 30 pageviews a day before Jenny (TheBloggess).   Just yesterday I almost hit 1000.

Currently I’m ranked #1 on Google for “funny blogs.”   That helps, too.

But her fans are the BEST fans ever.   And the ones that come over to my site, well, they actually READ.   The average Bloggess fan stays on my site nearly four minutes and reads over three pages of my crap.

They’re super loyal, they communicate with me, and they also love Jenny.

But the best reason I owe TheBloggess a huge lady-reacharound is that I found Jessica through her.

You’ve probably read my Thanksgiving Trilogy stories (if you haven’t, go soak your head.   Nobody says that any more – let’s bring it back!).   I met Jessica through my site, and we spent the holiday together and she even hung out with my family.

If years from now, Jessica and I decide to marry, Jenny Lawson may just get an invite (no plus one).

the bloggess
Like Mother Teresa - Only Better (and less wrinkly)

You could, and should, pre-order TheBloggess’s book on Amazon right now!

9 thoughts on “I Owe TheBloggess An O’Doul’s”

  1. chickinabox says:

    You’re a liar. You don’t have a Leatherman. And if you do, I doubt you would even know how to use it.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      @chickinabox It’s funny – just got a Leatherman. meganhoskins sent me one from her company. I use it to cut myself – makes me feel alive.

      1. chickinabox says:

        @delfinparismeganhoskins Is it a pink Leatherman? Cause I’ve been on the lookout for one for a while now– all I could find was purple… which is awesome, but not quite as awesome as pink. Also, cutting is bad– unless you’re doing it with a box cutter.

        1. Jennifeckingfer says:

          @chickinabox@delfinparismeganhoskins I know I shouldn’t like this. It’s kind of creepy of me. But I should point out, purple shows blood less. I mean…er…um…

        2. Jennifeckingfer says:

          @chickinabox@delfinparismeganhoskins I know I shouldn’t like this. It’s kind of creepy of me. But I should point out, purple shows blood less. I mean…er…um…

  2. Jennifeckingfer says:

    The Bloggess is totally hot, and I would kiss her, if given the chance, which I’m sure I will be, since I am such an awesome writer and it’s only a matter of time before she stumbles on me, even though I haven’t posted anything for several months, and I’m not a good commenter and stuff. Google just loves me, ya know? But congrats on that whole Jessica thing. I’m sure none of us married-with-kids women are pissed or anything. Or jealous. Or, you know, like homicidal or something.

    1. Jennifeckingfer says:

      Disclaimer: None of the above shall be construed to mean that the commenter is, or ever has been, homicidal or possessive of someone whom she’s ever met, especially because he seems to really like blondes, even though the woman he brought to meet his family is brunette (good on ya!). Also, said commenter is legally absolved of any responsibility, since she is quite tipsy in honor of the ordeal that is known in her home as “decorating the Christmas tree with two rabid, small, male homo sapiens.”

      1. D.J. Paris says:

        @Jennifeckingfer Hair color isn’t really that important to me. Plus, I’ve only met like three natural blonde women in my life. The rest use lemon juice or something.

  3. Michelle says:

    For the record, over two years later, you’re still getting readers from The Bloggess. That’s how I found you. And I’m starting to feel like a stalker reading all of these old posts of yours and commenting whilst concurrently following you on both Twitter and Facebook. And how you know how much time I spend reading your posts and how many I read at a time is a little stalkery, too, so I feel better. It’s like you’re stalking my stalking.

    Yeah… moving on, now…

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