Ahem…
- @ilovemymanalot – How about Mitt Romney the King of Gaffe Doesn’t he know not to piss off the Brits
I had to do some research on this one. First of all, the Olympics started today. And, I’m not kidding here, but earlier someone asked if I was excited about the Olympics. I said, “Oh, are the Winter Olympics this year?†I truly didn’t know. Apparently Mitt Romney said something about the Olympics being a potential disaster. British people – just ignore what our politicians say. Go back to the telly and flip on Dr. Who, The Office, Sherlock,Downton Abbey, Fawlty Towers – you’ll realize you’re better than we are.
- @Somgrl – Barbie. I hate playing with Barbie & my daughter always makes me.
I’m confused here. Aren’t you supposed to hate things that kids do? If you loved playing with Barbie it would suggest a massive personality disorder. But it’s not like your daughter is into circuit training and you have to run stairs with her. You just sit on the floor, brush the doll’s hair, change its clothes, walk her around, and make sure your daughter understands that perfection is blonde with d-cups and a size zero waist.
- @NotMattTetska – Humorous animal encounters?
When I was married, we had a treadmill in our second bedroom. Since my dog is only six pounds we pretty much never have to walk her. I wondered if she could walk on the treadmill behind me. She could. Every day I’d warm up walking for a few minutes on 4.8mph. That would be a fast canter for her. This would be in the morning before her constitution. She would need to make plops, but she couldn’t get off the treadmill. She would literally poop while running. Then it would fly off the back. Once it came back around on the belt and I stepped in it.
- @nicoled1130 – the comeback of the mustache?
I’ve never met a woman that prefers facial hair. I once made out with a girl and after three minutes she told me my stubble hurt her face. Plus, can’t we leave mustaches to the professionals? Ron Jeremy, John Holmes – those are the men of mustache. Maybe Prince with that pencil thing he did. Magnum P.I. – he made it work. Quick, name four other guys who look better with a mustache. Yep, though so. Mustaches were only cool in the late 70s and early 80s, and they weren’t even cool then. If you’re going to bring something back, let’s make it hot-pants.
- @allballsitch – How about a movie that most resembles your life at some point of your life
My life is pretty plain and boring (if you’re a daily reader you know I write about normalcy and the humor contained within). I have thought about this topic for twenty seven minutes. Yes, I counted. I have nothing. I don’t tend to see myself in movies. I went through many genres trying to find a match. So, instead, I’ll give you my favorite movies of all time. Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, This is Spinal Tap, Vertigo. I sort of failed on this one, and it’s pissing me off. Thanks for pissing me off, anonymous Twitterer!
There are only two types of famous people that follow you on Twitter. Famous people that follow everyone that follows them (which is rare), and famous people that actually follow you for some weird reason.
There’s a great tool called FriendOrFollow that will help you determine if you have any famous followers.
Now, with 13k followers, it’s not like I’m going to go through each one and determine their level of fame. You can, however, sort by “verified” accounts. These are accounts that for some reason Twitter deems important. Usually celebrities who Twitter has determined are the real McCoy and not fake impersonation accounts.
So, currently the only two famous people that I can find that follow me are Fran Drescher and Larry the Cable Guy.
What’s most interesting is that I follow neither of them. Fran’s is more suspect – she has around 111k followers and follows 23k. This probably means she started out following a ton of people, and then stopped as her Twitter account began to grow. So, I’m not counting her as a real ThoughtsFromParis follower. Although if she is, I’m a huge fan. Her role in The is Spinal Tap is brilliant.
Larry the Cable Guy is a puzzling Twitter situation. Again, I am not a follower, but he follows me. His stats are thus – 125k followers, and only follows 1k. So, out of the 1k he follows, I’m in that group. Is he a fan? Did he follow me by mistake? Does he appreciate my white collar comedy?
I would assume he doesn’t read my stuff and that it’s some weird mistake. Not that I wouldn’t be super flattered if he is a fan. Hell, I’d quit my job right now to write jokes for him. He’s currently the most successful comedian in the country, I believe. I don’t know much about redneck stuff, but I’d learn. You know, trailers and meth and bad mustaches. I can dig it.
Just in case he’s reading, I’d like to audition to be on his crew. Now, I just have to come up with a blue-collar premise… Ahem…
“You know your kin can sometimes be an embarrassment? My grandma was heading to the store and I asked her to pick me up some Redman. Well, wouldn’t you dang blasted believe that granny came back with a real live Indian. I was like, “Damn, grandma, I wanted some tobacco not a Tomohawko!”
Not my finest writing. But not my worst! (okay, it’s pretty much my worst)
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