God forbid I actually sit down and improve my skills as a serious writer. That would be worthwhile and intelligent. For some reason this year I’ve had the hardest time getting motivated to do much.

I usually just go for candy and writing one-liners on Twitter.

Anyway, I was dreaming two nights ago and I came up with something that made me laugh. It woke me up around 3am. Then when I woke up later that morning, it was still funny to me. Often stuff that I write in my dreams doesn’t maintain it’s hilarity  in beta consciousness.

I went about creating an online persona that would match the level of sophomoric humor this project commanded.

Enter Kymberlee. Her hometown according to the Yahoo profile I created for her is “Alabama, Ya’ll.” She is my foil.

Yahoo Answers is the perfect repository for my silliness. It’s a mix of people who take themselves way too serious and other people who make fun of those people.

The question that had me giggling mid-REM was:

Do redheaded people really not have souls?

I posted that in the religious section of the website. I had also written, “I haven’t yet finished the bible, but my understanding is that the ginger is born without a soul. Does anyone know if this is factually true?”

The responses were amazing. Sadly, they are gone now after some d-bag reported me to the spam police. About 50% made fun of redheads, 25% quoted bible passages about how we all have souls, and 25% told me to stop trolling their forum.

My next question was this (posted in the pet forum):

Best way to insert contacts (in a dog)?

Hi! A few years ago I got the laser surgery for my eyeballs and now I see so awesome.  

Last night I was going through my medicine cabinet and I found a whole box of contacts that I had never used.

Since obviously some dogs see better than other (like us people) I figured I’d give my Chihuahua an edge and tried to put the contacts in her eyes.  

Man, she was not having it! It was like I was trying to give her a bath!  

Anyway, I’d like her to test them out just in case they help her see better. Any ideas on how to get her cool with it?

Some highlight answers…

“You obviously have no clue about vision and optics.”

“Dogs eyes are different from humans, and your dog probably doesn’t have the same prescription that you did.”

I was on a roll.

Yahoo Answers only allow you to do five questions a day. Here’s some of my favorites questions thus far.

Where did Jesus go to college?

 I have a report due this afternoon. I’m guessing the Middle East somewhere? Help!

And this one, posted in the etiquette section (these people have NO sense of humor):

What should I shoplift next?

I’ve recently become really excellent at shoplifting. If there was an trophy for shoplifting, I would have already shoplifted it.  

I’m out of ideas these days on what I should shoplift next. It’s like I have writer’s block. For shoplifting!  

All ideas will be considered. One will be chosen. Go.

One  more:

Does Nickelback rock?

I’m pretty sure they don’t, but some other people claim they most definitely do. It’s confusing.

I lied. Just one more:

Best way to impress a guy?

Some of my friends say tight sweaters but I think that would be uncomfortable. Maybe if I read up on politics and that thing in the Ukraine. I’m open to anything that would help me land a boy.

Surprisingly only two of my questions have been deleted by moderators. The ginger one and a question I posed to people in the etiquette section  on if it’s uncouth to play “I stole your nose!” with a child at a funeral service.

I always wanted to be good at something. I think this may be it.

Not sure how long the Yahoo Answers community is going to tolerate me, but if you’d like to check out my current list of questions and community answers, you can do so here. I’ll be adding five new ones a day until they boot me.

Which should be soon.

UPDATE – looks like they blocked me. I’m actually on the phone with Yahoo right now to get it turned back on. Should be a hilarious phone call.

When I was number one on Google for terms like “best blog” and “funny blogs” I was approached a lot by companies who wanted to sponsor my posts. Most were firms of ill repute and were  peddling dildos and other items of adult nature. But still, it was an offer of free money. The problem is that they all required me to do something ridiculous like put a link to their product in the ad, or write about a topic which featured their items, etc. Stuff that I don’t approve of. I have integrity, yo!

At one point I almost went for it and had this idea of having my cat and dog review each product. But I think that one-joke sketch would have gotten old pretty quickly. Like most SNL recurring characters.

Then Google spanked me and I lost my SEO high status. Since then I’ve had to build up my brand back from the beginning, reader by reader. Now, my traffic is higher than before and my social media presence is growing.

This is funny. I was chatting up this girl recently who I wanted to date. She asked me if I was a big deal on Twitter. I was just about to say, “Well, not really, but I do have 56k followers.” In short I wanted to brag. Then, she said, “The last guy I dated thought he was kind of a Twitter celebrity and I dumped him.” So, I kept my mouth shut.

Since I’m not a mommy or fashion blogger I’m not cornered by brands who want me to pimp their stuff. Pre-natal vitamin companies aren’t beating down my door to advertise on the site. Heavy flow tampons don’t want to be associated with a guy that once wrote, “Why can’t we just send them to the edge of the village for three days?” Other than the  occasional  penis-pump manufacturer, I don’t get a lot of corporate love. Which is a little ironic because most of my readers are women in that demographic. Well… not the penis pump demo. At least I don’t think so. God, I hope not.

But what if I did have people courting me (I actually do have a few now, surprisingly), who didn’t require me to write particular pieces of content? What if at the end of each post it had a “sponsored by Deez Nuts” or whatever company wanted to put their name at the end? Would that piss you off? Would you run the other way screaming? Would I have sold out?

Truth be told I’ve put a lot of money into this blog over the last two years. I am in NO way complaining, as I will continue to put money in whether I decide to go with sponsorship or not.

I’m asking you because I give a shit about your readership. Sure I’ll make up my own mind but I respect your opinion. Some people hate the idea that a sponsor has input over content. Mine wouldn’t, but perception might equal reality and I don’t want to lose any of you.

So, what’s the consensus? I can afford the bandwidth and hosting charges, so if nobody ever spends a dime (other than my lovely advertisers), I won’t be shedding any tears. Do you care if I start getting some sponsors?

And, also, while we’re at it, should I start trimming down my chest hair? I mean, I am dating and all.