There were 150 corporate sponsors, but the one everybody was talking about was Trojan? Why?
They were giving away free vibrators to attendees.
Like any convention, there’s a ton of swag. You go from booth to booth and collect the freebies. As a man in a woman’s conference, most of the booths didn’t appeal to me. There was a panty-liner sponsor AND a heavy flow period sponsor within spitting distance (should have used a better adjective) of each other. When I saw both at the same time, I felt a little faint and sat down. I’m not kidding.
Since there were maybe a hundred guys total at BlogHer, I was treated like one of the girls. All I kept hearing about the first day was the free vibrator from Trojan. Women would tell me that I just had to go pick one up for my girlfriend. Good idea!
My girlfriend was at home in Chicago watching over my pets and redesigning my closet during BlogHer. She lives in Atlanta by the way, and drove up to do this. Visiting the Trojan booth was the least I could do for her. I didn’t even tell her about it – that way it would be seen as a present when I got home. Yes, that is how cheap I am.
I’m not uptight about these type of products and didn’t think anything about going to pick one up.
When I made it to the booth, I realized it wasn’t just a giveaway – they wanted you to hang out and watch the presentation done by a young guy who was very excited to talk about the line. He had the product disassembled and was speaking on each attachment with increased excitement.
There are thirty women standing around watching this, and one guy – me. I had to pretend I was interested in the tongue tips and insertion attachments. I nodded my head in feigned awe when he said this increased orgasm frequency by 25% in women.
Basically, I felt like a dirty creep standing there. There was no escape as this was the deal – listen to their pitch before you get their $50 product for free. A fair trade, for sure. But to be the only guy in the crowd was uncomfortable to me. I’m sure the women didn’t even notice me, quite honestly. Their eyes were mostly glazed over.
I did make a joke at the Samsung booth where they had a new line of washer/dryers. I turned to the employee and asked if any women had jumped on top of the front-loader and gave it a spin. Sadly the person I made this joke to was a guy, and he didn’t get it.
As the presentation was winding down one of the last things the presenter said was (to my recllection), “We partnered with Kinsey and research shows the 95% of women have used sexual devices like ours at some point in their life…”
Yeah, okay, good. Whatever. Let’s wrap this up.
“…and 20% of all men have used them, too.”
Then he motions with his eyes and hands to me.
I’m directly in the middle of this crowd by the way. I have to be clear and say that it’s not like he pointed directly at me, but it felt like he tagged on the men statistic at the end for my benefit. He clearly directed his body, and the rest of the crowd, over to me..
I couldn’t exactly grab the microphone and say, “I am one of the 80%! Here me loud and true! I proclaim this on the eyes of my unborn!” All I could do was stand there like an asshole and nod as if to say, “Wow! That is very interesting! I’m totally cool with what you just said!”
That was literally the last thing he said and then his assistant started handing out the freebies. I couldn’t get mine fast enough. I deposited it in my bag and walked off.
Sadly, the only bag I had with me was an official Lorax bag – he’s one of the awful Dr. Seuss creations and was lumbering about in the orange costume handing out totes. I tossed the vibrator in, walked about twenty paces, realized how ridiculous this was, and then took a photo.
I never did, actually.
I could not name one blogger when I started. It never occurred to me to see what else was out there. As my own website started picking up steam last fall I attended BlogWorld LA. There I met many bloggers and had a fantastic time.
I still didn’t read any blogs.
The only exception was TheBloggess who I would occasionally skim. She’s great, and I was an advertiser of hers. I had also written Dooce back when I started, and she was nice enough to write back. But that’s about it.
Last weekend I was in BlogHer. Aside from having the President, Martha Stewart, and Katie Couric speak, I met close to a hundred bloggers. At BlogHer a big emphasis is placed on “networking” but I really dislike that term. Networking to me is about connecting with people to try to get something for yourself. I didn’t find that was the attitude of any participants. Instead it was about developing personal relationships with strangers by sharing your passion. Just like BlogWorld, I came away with several people that I believe will become good long-term friends.
AimingLow. Some of the funniest writers on the planet (although I’m only familiar with people who speak English, but let’s be honest, when was that last time a Laotian made you laugh?). It was at the AimingLow party that I realized I was missing out. These women (and only other man) are truly hilarious.
I now have over twenty blogs in Google Reader, and I’m really enjoying reading other people’s crap. Maybe it’s because I now know these writers.
My friend, Linda, totally shamed me when she met me.
You NEVER read my blog. I know it! I read you every day!
She was right, and I felt like a pile of balls. Mission accomplished, Linda! I will forever read everything she writes. Gwen from The Hartley Hooligans has called me out, too.
Who else is awesome that I should be reading? If you say yourself then we’ll know you’re either a wild narcissist or completely confident in your awesomeness abilities. I’m both so I tell everyone to read me.
By the way – tip for all you bloggers. One of the best ways to get your stuff read is to comment on other people’s blogs. Except if you just write jokes about ethnicities. I implore you to reconsider that strategy.
Yesterday the big news was that it was supposed to be six to eight inches. I’m pretty sure that weathermen always overestimate so that their viewers will feel relieved when it’s much milder. Here’s a reenactment.
Yesterday
Today
Also, can we all agree that weathermen need to go away? They’re not necessary or needed. We get our weather from our phones, which, not surprisingly, is exactly where the local ABC anchor weather guy gets it.
I have a friend whose husband is one of the field reporters for one of the big three networks. This is near the top of the news reporter food chain. The only next step is to unseat Brian Williams or Katie Couric or whoever the other guy is. So, I asked his professional opinion about weatherman. I hypothesized that they are not respected and are the morons of the reporter community.
While he didn’t verbally confirm this, he repeatedly tapped his nose with his index finger, winked seven times, and nodded vigorously.
Then he said, “Leave me alone, I have to do a story on those Marines peeing on the dead Taliban. Ratings gold!”
To end this post, here is rocker Andrew W.K. doing a way better job reporting the weather than your guy.
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