Ahem…
- @ilovemymanalot – How about Mitt Romney the King of Gaffe Doesn’t he know not to piss off the Brits
I had to do some research on this one. First of all, the Olympics started today. And, I’m not kidding here, but earlier someone asked if I was excited about the Olympics. I said, “Oh, are the Winter Olympics this year?†I truly didn’t know. Apparently Mitt Romney said something about the Olympics being a potential disaster. British people – just ignore what our politicians say. Go back to the telly and flip on Dr. Who, The Office, Sherlock,Downton Abbey, Fawlty Towers – you’ll realize you’re better than we are.
- @Somgrl – Barbie. I hate playing with Barbie & my daughter always makes me.
I’m confused here. Aren’t you supposed to hate things that kids do? If you loved playing with Barbie it would suggest a massive personality disorder. But it’s not like your daughter is into circuit training and you have to run stairs with her. You just sit on the floor, brush the doll’s hair, change its clothes, walk her around, and make sure your daughter understands that perfection is blonde with d-cups and a size zero waist.
- @NotMattTetska – Humorous animal encounters?
When I was married, we had a treadmill in our second bedroom. Since my dog is only six pounds we pretty much never have to walk her. I wondered if she could walk on the treadmill behind me. She could. Every day I’d warm up walking for a few minutes on 4.8mph. That would be a fast canter for her. This would be in the morning before her constitution. She would need to make plops, but she couldn’t get off the treadmill. She would literally poop while running. Then it would fly off the back. Once it came back around on the belt and I stepped in it.
- @nicoled1130 – the comeback of the mustache?
I’ve never met a woman that prefers facial hair. I once made out with a girl and after three minutes she told me my stubble hurt her face. Plus, can’t we leave mustaches to the professionals? Ron Jeremy, John Holmes – those are the men of mustache. Maybe Prince with that pencil thing he did. Magnum P.I. – he made it work. Quick, name four other guys who look better with a mustache. Yep, though so. Mustaches were only cool in the late 70s and early 80s, and they weren’t even cool then. If you’re going to bring something back, let’s make it hot-pants.
- @allballsitch – How about a movie that most resembles your life at some point of your life
My life is pretty plain and boring (if you’re a daily reader you know I write about normalcy and the humor contained within). I have thought about this topic for twenty seven minutes. Yes, I counted. I have nothing. I don’t tend to see myself in movies. I went through many genres trying to find a match. So, instead, I’ll give you my favorite movies of all time. Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, This is Spinal Tap, Vertigo. I sort of failed on this one, and it’s pissing me off. Thanks for pissing me off, anonymous Twitterer!
Basically, you grow a mustache, hit up your friends for money, and then shave it off December 1.
I had never grown one before, and let me tell you a few things.
- It came out red.
- I looked like John Holmes.
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