This was a huge project. I know when you look at it there’s a lot of simplicity. That’s intentional. Surprisingly, to achieve that effect took around 60 hours of work. It was one of the most difficult projects I’ve ever taken on.
After a ton of feedback from you I knew it was time for a new site. The old site was gorgeous and fun, but it wasn’t really mine. It was a template that I purchased and customized. I made it my own and put a ton of work into it, too, but it still didn’t really match my personality. Plus, at least five other websites had the same design and you guys found them and sent me the links.
If you’re on a mobile device this will look exactly the same – I think I may have changed the logo.
Speaking of logos, my friend J.W. Moxie designed the new one. Without asking. That’s how cool she is. She even penned the new tagline, which is perfect. You really should read her blog thesmartness.com. She’s funny, honest, and the spitting image of Cree Summer from A Different World.
Also my friend Suzanne helped with a lot of CSS odds and ends. Hopefully you agree that it’s tighter, faster, and easier to read.
If you haven’t yet signed up for my email list, click on one of my stories (you might already be there) and scroll to the bottom. I send exactly one email a week with my “best of” posts.
The best way you can support the site is to simply tell a friend. If you want to tell only hot blonde chicks who giggle a lot, that would be just fine. I won’t penalize you. Scout’s honor.
Thank you for continuing to support the blog, and for being such great readers. I hope to meet all of you some day, when I’m peddling some book that I need you to buy. I’ll be the guy at Borders seated behind the big folding table, with the Sharpie signing books. That’s how you’ll know it’s me.
Oh, you’ll also know it’s me at the periodicals because you’ll see a guy grab a Penthouse, tear open the plastic sheathing, thumb through the first half of the mag, then place it back on the rack next to Cat Fancy.
]]>My website simply loads too damned slow.
Partly it’s my fault – I have burdened this bitch down with tons of scripts, images, and customization. I’ve tried various solutions to decrease load time like eliminating extraneous functionality, moving my server to a cloud, combining image sprites, caching stuff, and all sorts of nerd crap. Nothing works.
Today, I came to a realization. I need to redesign the mofo.
I plan on working on this pretty much nonstop until I get it done. It could take days, weeks, or maybe even a month or two. Add that to my day job and the band I play in, girlfriend responsibilities, and the posting I do each day. I’m going to be busy.
The new design will be simpler and cleaner. I also plan to have an adults-only section with a live webcam hooked up in my standalone shower so you can see me using shower gloves on my magic. You’ll have to pay $1.99, but you can swing it. You’re not that poor.
My biggest challenge is in graphic design. If you have suggestions of what imagery might suit my personality and writing style, I’m all ears. If you don’t have suggestions, I’ll just go with what I think is coolest. Which may or may not be coolest. Remember, I used to wear tight jeans thinking it would impress chicks.
For example – the slider at the top of the homepage. I love the slider. I think people dig it. But I’m not sure whether to keep it or not. It takes up real estate.
Also, my logo – it needs to be redone. Again, I have no thoughts. Nor any good jokes right now.
Since this will affect you, my readers, I implore you to give me suggestions. But whenever I ask for suggestions I never get any. It’s a weird, antithetical situation. I write about how cotton balls gross me out, and everyone replies. I don’t get it.
So, since I desperately need feedback, and you never do what I ask, I command you to NOT comment below with thoughts and suggestion. While I’m at it, you must never send me homemade confections or size 13 Italian loafers. Also, no nude photos. Oh wait, this is the opposite thing, so let me clarify.
Guys – send TONS of nude photos.
Okay, I’m done. Time to sleep and dream of CSS and PHP and HTML. Also taking the big exam in college when I didn’t study or go to class all semester.
