Hey, you know how you pay to be here each month? You’re a sucker because I’m going to let everyone do that shit for free!
I’m not sure if advertisers appreciate my level of honesty.
So…
It’s time once again to stick it to those losers!
Now, since I never do anything completely selfless, there is a string attached. The first time I rolled this I made you write me a poem. I think about fifty of you did. The next time I made you tell me something embarrassing about yourself. To the dude who made out with his sister in eighth grade – gross. Take that one to the grave next time.
You need to do two things. Hey, the blog’s more popular so you have to jump a little higher.
- Like my Facebook page – this is not a vanity thing. I’m going to do a contest in the next month that I want to make sure you’re in on. I have prizes and everything.
- Post a link to your blog in the comments and tell me one thing you do that’s GROSS.
I’ll go first.
I’ve briefly mentioned this before, but only in passing. I have peed in sinks. Hmm… Let’s start that again.
I pee in sinks. Like, not infrequently.
As a 6’2″ dude the sink is at perfect dong height. So, sometimes while I’m shaving… well… I’ll just not stop shaving. Now, I also live alone and can get away with this nonsense. My girlfriend is in the ATL and when she visits I curb the behavior. Also, before you vomit, remember that urine is sterile. Plus, I have the faucet running and then I swirl the water around to hide the shame. I’m going on (no joke) fifteen years of off-and-on sink peeing.
Okay, I brought it. Now it’s your turn.
Oh, and tell all your blogger friends to swing by and promote their site. All is welcome. Except blogs that talk about sink peeing. I’ve got that locked down.
photo credit: WilWheaton via photopin cc
]]>I forgot my own birthday. Sort-of.
Tomorrow is my birthday. June 10th. By the way, readers, if you want to start sending me presents, I’m more than willing to provide you with my home address. Many may argue it’s dangerous to do this, but those many aren’t gift lovers like I.
The plan was that my mom was going to do some work in the city while my dad drove up to my place, dropped off a cake and then we would head to the restaurant. I think my mom was going to take a cab.
Reservations were at 6:30, and my dad was supposed to be at my place by six. This weekend there are four major festivals going on in Chicago and the city is nuts with traffic. My folks live three hours away, so I started calling at four, just to get a read on their progress. I called both cells, and got voicemails.
I kept calling for two hours, up until 6pm. This was very weird, and I couldn’t figure out what was happening. My dad was not at my place. Nobody was answering their phones. I started mildly freaking out, and tried my sister in NYC. Couldn’t get her. Called the girlfriend in ATL. No answer. Nobody to talk me off the ledge.
I jumped in my car, because it’s about thirty minutes to the restaurant. Maybe I misheard and that I was supposed to drive myself there. I was half-worried that my folks had perished in one of those carbon minoxide house-deaths or in a horrible car accident. I’m also half-pissed because my rational mind tells me they’re fine, and that they just aren’t answering their phones.
I showed up at the restaurant, valeted the car, and hung out in the super-trendy lobby. 6:30 came and went. I kept calling – no answer. Finally, at 6:45pm I decided to look at the itinerary my mom emailed me. By the way, dinner reservations do not require a TripIt itinerary.
It took forever to log-in to TripIt, which I really don’t use, but apparently my mom thinks is the cat’s meow. And there it showed our dinner reservation for June 10th, my actual birthday.
I thought to myself, “Oh – June 10th. That would make more sense that they’d come up on June 10th. Because June 10th is my birthday, not June 9th.”
I cut a deal with the valet guy to only pay half. As I got into my car he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I poked my girlfriend (not that way) as we’re lying here in bed because I forgot to post today and I need to keep up my streak of no misses in 2012. We had just watched We Need To Talk About Kevin which was fantastic but also one of the most depressing movies I’ve seen. I have absolutely no funny in me. And for some reason I’m terrified. I had to ask Jessica to hold me. Then I asked her what to write about.
She said, “Poop.”
Ah, that’s right! My cat who is now on day 45 of not peeing on my bed (there is an Allah) decided, for the first time yesterday, to poop in the guest bathroom. In the bathtub. I should have taken a photo, but I didn’t see it. The girlfriend cleaned it up.
Then, her dog Dirk decided to poop on the neighbor’s doormat. We share a back deck and earlier I saw Dirk head over to her side. He stopped at the mat, lifted his leg, and peed right on it. I applauded his moxie. I’m not sure why, but I loved it. Sure, I’m not a great neighbor, but I have other decent qualities.
Well, later today, he headed over there and pooped right on the same spot. Again, I didn’t really have a problem with this. I mean, we cleaned it up and they’re leaving to go back to the ATL on Tuesday. So this won’t be a serial thing, at least until she moves up here. That neighbor’s mat is going to be only 60% nylon when Dirk’s done with it. The rest will be comprised of his back and front nonsense. I guess dogs don’t really have “back and front” nonsense like we do. Oh well, I’m not changing it.
Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’d be remiss (lame corporate phrase that needs to go away) to mention that I accidentally stumbled on The Shit Fountain in the East Village here in Chicago. We parked right next to it. I love this.
I will be in the ATL ready to have a drink with you in just a few days.
What : (Fans + D.J.+ drinks) x Atlanta = Awesome
Where : Ormsbys 1170 Howell Mill Road Atlanta, GA 30318 (in Westside, West Midtown)
When: Thursday, December 29th at 7:30pm
Let’s hang out for a few and take some photos. If things get wild I may jump atop the bar and wriggle.
Reply back if coming!
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