These are posts that will go in the blog, under the slider
I started a tradition my freshman year of college back in 1994 – since I was making new friends, I thought it would be fun to send each one a holiday card.
I wanted to do something fun, and my mom suggested the Oriental Trading Company catalog, which has dozens of different cards. All crap quality, but cheap.
For two years in college I worked at a grocery store as the photo lab guy.
During my employment, the store was moved after my first year. Initially that department was a combination where we did video rentals, photo processing, and sold perfume.
When the store moved to its new location they decided to eliminate the movie rentals. The perfume counter got its own section, and I no longer got to spritz my coworker with Prescriptives Flirt for fun.
Did you read every last word I wrote this past week?
What? You didn’t?
That’s hurtful, goddammit!
I bet you didn’t miss Top Chef! Seriously, is that good? What is it, a bunch of cooks hanging around with their Ginzus? No offense, but watching people cook doesn’t interest me when I’m IN a restaurant.
When I was a newborn, I developed a double hernia at ten weeks and underwent emergency surgery.
During the delivery my mother received a botched epidural, and the doctor accidentally struck her spine. She was in a coma for four weeks.
During that time I was sent home with my father and two grandmothers. Within a few weeks they had started me on human food (bananas and such), which turned out to not be a great move. Apparently, my nervous system was not fully developed and I cried like crazy. Food shut me up.
Saturday and Sunday is the broadcast of my segment on the Weekends With Whitney television program, here on the Chicago NBC affiliate.
The bad news – I’m at my fattest of all time.
The good news – I talk about all about my pain and suffering through divorce.
The first time I met my wife was on a blind date. We were set up by a coworker of hers who told me I needed meet her friend. Since I didn’t know her coworker all that well, I couldn’t really ask the most important question my immature mind was thinking…
As you may have read in my last post, these reports are about my vacation here in Santa Fe with my mom.
To recap my last entry, I had a super great time in Taos with a llama. It’s weird to have an animal who is near my height that will walk with you and carry your stuff. They’re even a little bashful – when they have to go to the bathroom, they leave the trail and go off to the side! Just like me!
Since I’ve been so busy here in Santa Fe, I don’t really have time to write much.
It’s been a constant intake of green chiles. They put chiles in everything, which, to me, is most appreciated.
I’m a little bummed because I can’t think of one funny thing to write in this post. So, think of this article as the last season of Seinfeld – it just isn’t going to make you laugh.
I’m glad to say for the first time in the history of this website, I have completed my first full week of posts.
My intention was always to publish something every few days, and I’m thankful that my readership keeps increasing.
In fact, just yesterday Google had my blog ranked around position twelve for the search keywords “blog funny†and “funny blog.â€
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!