I turned thirty-seven yesterday.
Here’s a few thoughts I had on the bike ride home from work, reflecting on my life…
I found a great expression to get you out of most any trouble. This is especially useful at work. Next time you screw something up and you’re called to the carpet, simply respond with, “It was my understanding that…” You can then follow those words with any string of nonsense you choose. Nobody will call you out on your understanding. I notice politicians do this every week on Meet the Press. “Boss, it was my understanding that banging the interns was encouraged. Did I have that wrong?” See? You can’t punish a guy when he talks with that verbal jujitsu. Now, thank me, and let’s move on.
Oh, speaking of… somebody is downloading pornography at work. We know this to be true because the boss got a cease and desist email from whomever holds the copyright to Milfs A’Poppin’ 17. Seems that film was illegally downloading from our office IP. Now, there’s only a few of us in the office and sadly, all eyes could easily could fall on me. Not that I’m a pervert (I’m not), but I am the tech guy at the firm. If anyone would know how to do this, it would be me. Except I know that I didn’t do it. But the problem is, even if you did do it, there’s no way you can fess up. That shit’s a fire-able offense. Anyway, the boss sort of laughed it off. I have a few suspicions on who was downloading the skin flick, but probably it was a guy who just quit a few days ago. Maybe it was his version of taking all the staplers on the way out.
Turning thirty-seven feels like something important. I’m no longer in my mid-thirties. It’s time to get serious and have purpose. Thankfully I’ve already got a lot of this stuff in place. I’ve noticed over the last decade that I’ve, very slowly, reduced the amount of nonsense and drama that used to permeate my life.
This was the first year where I didn’t feel depressed on my birthday in all of my thirties. Now there are plenty of things to get depressed about, and there’s always ways in which I don’t measure up with where I think I should be at this age. But I don’t feel that way now. I guess I’m maturing. Also, I’ve learned how to get honest. Here’s an example.
Recently I had been struggling with a friendship. There was a woman I dated where it didn’t work out. We decided to make it work as friends because we love each other very much. The problem is that as much as I tried, I couldn’t cut out the romantic feelings. I’d hang out with her as friends but want so badly to hold and kiss her. I’d lie to myself and say that this isn’t really what I wanted, that I really only wanted a friendship and that I could stop these feelings. This went on for months and each week I’d talk about it in therapy. Finally, my therapist last said, “Do you want this woman to be your girlfriend?” I said, “Of course not! She wouldn’t anyway, we’re not the right fit, etc.” She stopped me, told me to go inside and get honest. And I immediately said, “Yes! Yes, I want her so badly! I’m in love!” It was the truth and I hadn’t ever spoken it to myself. I owned it. I wanted her as my girlfriend – my heart wanted this. As soon as I spoke it, the flame extinguished and within a few days those feelings left. The simple act of me stating my truth allowed me to move through it. I now believe I can be this person’s friend without the romantic interest mucking it up.
Well, that’s all I got for tonight. It’s not much, nor my best, but it is my truth. Oh, also, I’m still wearing the same sweat soaked shirt that I biked twenty miles in today. Except the sweat is all driedand caked onto the cotton. I should have probably changed as I got home from the ride five hours ago.
Happy Birthday to me, mofos!
catherine gacad says:
I have to call bullcaca on your feelings about being in love with someone. How can you suddenly declare your true feelings, then magically not feel them anymore? That’s impossible. If that’s really true, then you are superman.
No wonder I like you so much. Gemini twins activate! I turn 38 on the 18th. Here’s what I say…one year closer to retirement! Happy birthday!!! Your blog is my fave.
D.J. Paris says:
Okay, it’s a little bullcaca. I still have some feelings for her, but they are dissipating, thank God. Thank you so much for the nice words, and happy birthday, in advance. Thanks, Catherine!
Tricia109 says:
Happy birthday! 37, in retrospect, was pretty awesome – old enough to know the ropes but still young enough to ignore them if you want to…. In the past 8 months, I’ve turned 50, my youngest child graduated from college, and I “celebrated” 20 years at my job. I just feel like I’ve been around for a looong time. I must be very wise.
D.J. Paris says:
Happy belated 50th! Spill some of your wisdom, sister!
Becky says:
Happy Birthday DJ! Hope it’s a great one.
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks, Becky!!!
Ally says:
Happy Birthday DJ!
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks, Ally!!!
mothers little hleper says:
Happy Birthday DJ. And I want to know how to stop having romantic feelings for a friend just by saying it out loud…..did it really work???
D.J. Paris says:
Well, it’s not just a light switch that flips, but the act of owning the truth allowed me to begin to process it. It’s still hard work, of course. But she’s worth it!
mothers little hleper says:
I wish you luck, then perhaps you could t each me how its done….
Wendy says:
Hey D.J.,
It is my understanding that we share the same birthdays. That automatically makes you AWESOME in my eyes. 🙂 Sorry about the relationship stuff, but thumbs up to you for working through it. Glad you weren’t depressed this year. Depression’s no good … I lost that guy’s number a while ago, and I’m totally better off! Thanks for following me on Twitter, which prompted me to follow you back, which led me to this website, which made me feel like a fool ’cause I was expecting to indulge my wanderlustin’ heart by reading posts laced with beautiful Parisian sights … instead, I got to satisfy my constant craving for laughter, which is so much better! Thanks for sharing your stories, and happy belated birthday!
Air high-fives and telepathic fist bumps,
Wendy
D.J. Paris says:
Ha – I’m not even French! Spanish, mostly, which is weird because I’m blonde-haired and blue-eyed. Glad we share the same birthday, and happy birthday!!!
Wendy says:
Thanks birthday bud! If you weren’t aware of this already, you’ll be happy to know that here in Hawaii, our special day is an actual state holiday! Pretty cool, huh? I grew up thinking that the holiday was declared in honor of me, but eventually had to face the harsh reality that it wasn’t. Oh well, I’m over it now … sorta. http://www.rediscoveringmaui.com/happy-king-kamehameha-day/
Lovelyn says:
Happy birthday!!
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks, Lovelyn! I appreciate it!
Lil says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DJ!
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks, Lil!!!
Kate Hall says:
Happy Birthday, DJ! I think 37 is still mid-30s. 38 is over the hill though. I’m amazed that your feelings just dropped for your old girlfriend after you were honest about them. That’s crazy awesome. I remember being in so many of those situations where a relationship ended and yet I was in the same circle of friends with the guy. It was totally awkward. I just wanted to cut them off. Being friends wasn’t even an option. I only ever continued one friendship with any guy I dated and it wasn’t even continued until a year later when we were both able to move on. There were just too many emotions wrapped up. Maybe if I had been honest about my feelings it would have been different. I don’t know, most of the time I did the breaking up, so I knew the relationship wasn’t right, but the feelings didn’t just disappear overnight.
D.J. Paris says:
Hi Kate! Thanks for the birthday wishes! I was answering someone earlier to say that it’s still a struggle, just less of one now that I owned my feelings toward her. I just recently broke up with a woman and I’m still dealing with the loss of that one. Can’t wait to see you at BlogHer!
Kate Hall says:
You’re a commenting maniac today! 😉
Andrea says:
Good for you! It took me until 39 to stop being the person that I thought I should be and start being ME. That lasted until I turned 40, just a few weeks ago. Now I realize that the rest of my life will be spent battling against my body, which has finally asserted that it truly hates me. Huh. I thought those ME years would last longer.
D.J. Paris says:
Wait – I thought women’s bodies only got easier to manage as they got older… Or did I get that wrong?
Frank Bukowski says:
Happy birthday mofo. Why didn’t you tell me all that shit about the girlfriend thirty years ago! Three decades as an emotional cripple, and NOW you tell me I can let go? That really sucks man.
D.J. Paris says:
Oh, I’m still emotionally crippled, Frank. Just a little better off than what I used to be. Thanks for reading, and for calling me a mofo, mofo!
Heather says:
Happy Birffffday!! 🙂 Youtube the Ting Tings singing happy birthday. You’ll love it.
D.J. Paris says:
I only know the name song – will check it out! And sorry about the late reply. Ha!
Katjaneway says:
Happy Birthday DJ! I had the same sort of deal with a friend of mine that I’ve finally fallen out of feelings for. But I guess the main question is, how would you feel if that friend started dating other guys? How would you feel if you wanted to hang with her, and her bf was with her? As much as I like being friends with my old fling, I’m a bit too bitter about him moving on so quick and dating this other chick – who just happens to have the same name as me. Oh goodie. I try to be happy for him, but it’s hard when you’re not in a stable relationship and happy yourself.
D.J. Paris says:
Wow – sorry again for the late reply. I totally don’t even remember who I was writing about in this post!
No reason to be happy for him – he left. Screw ’em!
Jasmine says:
DJ,
You are funny & super hot. I appreciate your honesty. I’ve followed you on twitter for a while and now I’ll follow your blog, too. 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
You’re right and I am super hot! Ha. Thanks, J!
Karen says:
37 is an awesome age for a man. You are in prime position to get a fetching trophy wife which will lead to a REALLY expensive wedding and baby in your 40s just when you’d really like a good night’s sleep. Just try to avoid your destiny… you cannot.
Mazel tof, honey
D.J. Paris says:
I am dating a rather fetching skank these days! Wait – won’t her folks pay for the wedding? They better!
Ronda-Lee says:
I just found your blog and so I’m catching up a little, I love your sense of humor! Happy very belated birthday!
Pornography at work. I used to work in a small office, 6 people. A co worker and I were really good friends, he wanted to date, I didn’t, but that’s another story.
One evening he went back to the office and heard sounds coming from one of the offices. Thinking that he’d be funny and tease the occupant about working late he didn’t knock and just walked in. Surprize, surprize the man in the office was beating off watching porn on his computer!! Ooops.
He quickly shut the door and left the office. No one ever said a thing about it again.
D.J. Paris says:
I love that. Amazing. He couldn’t even wait until he was home. I don’t blame him!