My grandfather died when I was in high school and we inherited his Cadillac.
I already had a car at the time, a Merkur XR4Ti. Even though it was a hand-me-down with 200k miles, it was still pretty cool. Leather seats, sunroof, turbo injection. And stick shift. Every kid’s first car should be stick shift.
Since my parents already had vehicles of their own I now could drive one of two cars to school. The sporty Merkur or the enormous 1981 Cadillac (the year was 1993). Both cars were equally ridiculous, free to me, and nice.
With the exception of the first year of college I’ve always had a car. Each has been handed down or purchased by my parents. I remember when I got married my wife and I went to buy a car. We cut a check for the amount and I was thinking, “I’m thirty-two and this is the first car I’ve purchased.”
When my wife filed for divorce she wound up with the car. I made do without for a year here in Chicago. I would rent one to get groceries, but otherwise it wasn’t all that difficult. It sucked getting to gigs on a bus. Certainly not very rock and roll. But I was able to make it to work and back either on my bike or the subway.
Then, last fall, my mom was due for a new car. She had been driving her Jaguar for about nine years. She loved that car. It was the first luxury car she had purchased and now needed something bigger. She offered the Jaguar to me. I was thrilled. I would finally be able to go to pet store to pick up food whenever I wanted. Or go do anything!
This may sound strange but I hadn’t even really thought about the car being a “Jaguar.” It was a free car from my parents and I was desperate for wheels. My mom had some serious work done to get it ready to be handed over. Until I went to Peoria to pick it up I had forgotten that it was this big-deal luxury car. My ex-wife and I had a Mercury Mariner, but this was really nice.
I was single at the time and a year past the divorce. I realized I would soon be ready to start dating and excited to have a vehicle to drive around. The weird thing is that I had a Jaguar. That was given to me by my parents. That I could never afford. In fact last year I made just about the least amount of money I’ve ever made as a professional. This year alone I had to borrow a few grand from my sister to pay the mortgage.
The thought of picking up a girl on a date and then having to explain that I wasn’t a rich guy was shameful.
Yes, mommy and daddy gave this to me because I’m spoiled. I’m really a screw-up, you see. I can’t take care of myself!
Now, please understand I am grateful to have a car at all. Quite frankly I’m not sure I would have been able to even lease one at the time my cash flow was so low. Yes, they did save my butt. And yes, I am aware that there is no bitching allowed when you are handed a free luxury automobile. I get it.
It’s been a year and it’s still feels weird. First, I didn’t earn the car. Second, I’m not a luxury car guy. Third, I couldn’t afford it even if I had wanted.
My mom has suggested that if it bugs me to trade it in and get something else. It’s not a bad idea except every time I bring the Jaguar home she wants to drive it for nostalgia. She loves this car and has said many times that she’s glad it’s still in the family. I can’t sell it. I don’t even want to. It’s been with us for over ten years.
Now, it’s a 1999 so it’s not exactly new. But it’s pretty much in perfect condition and runs great. My friends all think it’s hilarious my mom gave me her nice car. And that is funny.
I wanted to write about this for a year now but I had a lot of shame about it. I didn’t want to admit that a luxury car that was given to me for free resulted in some discomfort. It seems like something a self-absorbed dick would say. And maybe I am. Trust me, the gratitude is not lost on me. Not for a second.
But every time I drive somebody who doesn’t know me around and they remark that they like my car I immediately say, “My mom gave it to me.” I feel like a fraud otherwise. This is silly because families and friends help out when we struggle. But if mom would have just given me a Honda Civic, I’d be a heck of a lot more comfortable. I’d still be a fraud, but I’d be driving a car that was appropriate to my feeling of self-worth.
So really, this is my mother’s fault. She should have given me a cheaper ride. It’s really all on her. You know what? Now I do feel better!
KateHall says:
LOL! That made me laugh. Moms always get the blame. That’s their job. At least my kids think its my job.
D.J. Paris says:
KateHall Well, just remember, good moms give their sons Jaguars when they get divorced in their 30s. So have that one locked and loaded.
susielindau says:
I don’t think you owe anyone an explanation. “My mom gave it to me” is so lame!
Enjoy your ride with your head held high!
D.J. Paris says:
susielindau Yes, I should just pretend I bought it. Live the lie! Lying really is more fun. I’m excited to move forward on this!
sladenchambers says:
It’s OK. I blame the kids for my car – A Volvo XC60. Yeah, the one from the Twilight film but we had ours before that came out in the UK. But seriously if I didn’t have to make sure I could get them to and from school down windy country lanes in the snow then I wouldn’t need an embarassing, gas-guzzling 4 x4 would I?
D.J. Paris says:
sladenchambers I love that you referenced a car from Twilight as if I would have seen the movie. I have standards. Not very high, mind you. But higher than Team Brandon, or whoever the one bad guy is. I just Google’d the car – it’s awesome!
Katjaneway says:
You’re lucky. I’ve been slowly moving up in years; it’s kind of funny how it works. I’d been saving money with some kind of weirdo makeshift school savings account since the 4th grade. By the time I was 18 dad said he’d match the amount so I could buy my first car. So, $1,000. lol That got me a 1984 Reliant K. As crappy as it was, it ran perfectly fine. Then I moved up to a ’95 Mercury Mystique (please give me my Reliant back!). Then a ’00 Buick Century (old people car but very luxurious). to a ’05 Chevy Malibu. I also own an ’89 Chevy Celebrity. Damn I love that car. Inherited it from my Grandma. It’s about ready to go ker-plunk, though. I’d never be able to afford a new vehicle. Every car I’ve gotten besides the Reliant was purchased in an emergency situation where we had to scrape and scrounge for any money down. For once I want to go to a lot with some down payment in hand. Probably won’t happen when the Celebrity finally dies, though. Sigh.
D.J. Paris says:
Katjaneway This is a sad history of cars. I actually feel bad for you. Ha.
enchantedseashells says:
Oh just OWN it already. Stop apologizing! Geez, it’s just a car. Regarding the ladies: you’re not helping your cause much by blurting out that your mom gave it to you. We don’t want to know that. Really. Good post anyway!
D.J. Paris says:
enchantedseashells Ha – thanks. You know, it’s funny. I’ve never once dated a girl that gave a shit about money anyway, even when I was doing really well. I’ve not found that women care about that stuff. Thank God.
Natalie the Singingfool says:
I’m still waiting for my parents to “hand me down” their Lexus…
D.J. Paris says:
Natalie the Singingfool Just use this line, “Hey, when you die I get everything anyway…”
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
My first car was a stick. And hey – if it makes you feel any better, you can pass the car on to me and I’ll let you AND your mom drive it whenever you want. How’s that for a pal, right?
D.J. Paris says:
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom No deal!
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
tfpHumorBlog Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom Some friend you are, DJ! How am I gonna drive my pugs to my hair appointments in style? 😉
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
…oh…just another thought…you can refer to your Jag as your “Freudian Lift”. You’re welcome. 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom One of my mandates is that I will never refer to it as a “Jag” – that simply is not cool for the owner to say. Ha.
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
tfpHumorBlog Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom My FIL drives one and we call it his “Jag”. But he never does. You’re right though. If you refereed to it that way, you might as well be Tom Cruise. 😉
cchmielewski says:
I’m 33 yrs. old and I drive a 1993 Geo Metro. That’s right- next year, it will officially be a “classic car”. It’s a standard, there are some paint chips still stuck to the sides that indicate it may have been white at one point, has been riding well with one spare for a year now, uses coat hangers to open its two doors, sounds a lot like a small-engine airplane, the hatch doesn’t stay shut OR open (tied down with bungee cord or propped open with a 2X4), the hood flies off randomly and usually during heavy rain or snow or sleet and usually into oncoming traffic (okay, ONCE that happened), and has been known to seat three children, two adults, a Dachshund, and a 7 ft. Christmas tree all at once, despite its size. It was also free. I’m not usually a bragger, but the next time you feel slightly ashamed for driving a Jaguar that was given to you by your mother, consider trading with me. You’ll feel a lot differently, I’m guessing.
D.J. Paris says:
Meoses Hmm – yes, you have completely eliminated my shame! But now I just feel depressed for you. So this was a lateral move, at best.
Meoses says:
tfpHumorBlog Meoses Don’t feel that way! Trust me, it’s my own fault. I’m terrible with money.
Jae Mac says:
You don’t have anything to be embarrased or ashamed about. Yes, you drive a Jaguar that was given to you – good for you. My parents provided me with two cars before I bought my own for $500 a Renault Alliance. (A what??) A year later my parents sold me a car for cheap. 2 years later my husband bought me a car. I was in my 30s before I bought a “real”car a car I truly wanted (Volvo) which I completely paid off and still own and I plan to give to my daughter next year.
<a href=”http://www.imjustsayindamn.blogspot.com/”>Jae Mac, I’m Just Sayin’…(Damn!)</a>
Jae Mac says:
I’m 40 years old and I don’t think you have anything to be embarrased or ashamed about. Yes. You drive a Jaguar that was given to you – Good For You! My parents provided me the use of two cars before I bought my own for $500 a Renault Alliance. (Yikes!! A What?) A year later, my parents sold me a car for cheap. 2 years after that my husband bought me a car. I was in my 30s before I bought a “real” car; a car a truly wanted (Volvo) which I paid off and plan to give to my daughter next year. Sure people may look at you and think who knows what, but what other people think of you really isn’t any of your business anyway. I’m Just Sayin’…(Damn!)
http://www.imjustsayindamn.blogspot.com
D.J. Paris says:
Jae Mac I love that your parents sold you a car. That’s sort of funny. Did you haggle on the price?
teamgloria says:
Is it a powder blue jaguar?
They always say racy -60s-wih-actual-gloves-in-the-glove compartment. From connollys in London. Those gloves made for driving through hushed snowbound lanes.
Just dreaming……
Loved your post.
D.J. Paris says:
No, it was black. Ha. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Alice with malice says:
A good way to weed out superficial people. Fortunately or unfortunately as it may be, this might be easier to explain than having the 1990 *insert beater car of your choosing, and trying to explain that you’re not destitute, when in fact we are lucky to say such a thing. I do understand you feel like you’re misrepresenting yourself in a way, but you aren’t. A- fake it till we make it, B- is good for a business image, yes? And Lastly, times may be tough but you’re creative and awesome- you’ll find your way out of that.
D.J. Paris says:
But I like superficial people! Especially ones that kiss my butt!