It’s Friday night and I’m nearly passed out after many Papa John’s slices. Eating pizza is a great way to ensure a heavy sleep. However, I had forgotten to write my post. My bedroom now smells like farts by the way. One of the other benefits of pizza.
As you know, in January I committed to writing every day. Even though I thought this impossible, I made it. Then I just kept going. Here I am in August some 200k words later.
While writing every day this year would have been an unreasonable goal back in January, I focused on just a week at a time. The twelve steppers do it one day at a time, but I like to aim higher. I figure I can do anything for a week – even cleaning the cat box each night.
It’s time to start improving.
While my hair and sense of humor are already perfect, other parts are not. This time around I thought I would do it the fun way.
How? By setting weekly challenges of stuff that I need to do.
Some of these will be daily activities like flossing and bagging up dog poop outside (both of which I NEVER do). Others will be just one task that may take all week, like picking up the phone to call Grandma or cleaning my bedroom sheets and towels.
By the way, and I think I’ve written about this before, but if you’re not using bed suspenders you simply aren’t living. Google the shit.
But as it has always made sense to spend ten minutes each night cleaning the condo, I never do it. I lack the discipline, and it doesn’t help that I have a deep-seeded belief that mops look better on chicks.
I bet you have little things too that you could commit to doing in a week. You know, like fixing that leaky gutter or helping your kid do his algebra, or just going to bed without makeup on.
So, here’s what we going to do. Each Sunday night while we’re entwined in a spiral of shame about where our lives are currently at, we’re going to set a goal for the week. I don’t care if your goal is to find Jesus or finally have that affair with the encyclopedia salesman. Just pick something and we’ll do it together.
Each Sunday we’ll check in and set a new one. If nobody wants to do it I’ll simply pray that an avalanche covers your village.
So, to make this easy (watch to see me go meta here), we’re just going to set ONE goal. To set one goal this Sunday. A goal to set a goal!
Start thinking – I know what I’m going to do. It involves learning the Alec Baldwin monologue in GlenGarry Glen Ross. How will this improve my life? How will it not?
LuluSeymour says:
p.s. “deep-seeded” should be “deep seated” so my goal (starting Sunday) is to not be so pedantic for the entire week. Wish me luck!
D.J. Paris says:
@LuluSeymour Holy Chris! I’m going to leave the mistake for posterity. (also, see what I did there?)
Stephen Battey says:
Floss sticks, sir, floss sticks. They’re a godsend.
SunnySays says:
Shenanigans
Craziness Abounds says:
I actually already have a goal. I’m starting chantix this week to help me quit smoking in ten days total I should be done. Not this Monday but the next will be my last day of smoking. Wish me luck this is a big one since I have been smoking for 15 years now. Grrr
MicheleLeAnn says:
Yeah, already have my goal too. I’m going to get the kitchen cleaned. And I mean CLEANED! This is my boyfriends house, his mother’s before him, and her mother’s first. So, three generations of junk live here.
Jenny says:
The term is deep-seated, not seeded, you know.
D.J. Paris says:
I know – I’ve shamed already. But thank for also jumping on board with that. Shamer!
D.J. Paris says:
I know – I’ve been shamed already. But thank for also jumping on board with that. Shamer!
fabbrunette says:
Forget about the goal – sheet suspenders?! You just blew my mind and saved many fights with my husband about putting sheets on “properly”
D.J. Paris says:
@fabbrunette I KNOW. Best $11 I ever spent. And that includes the $11 burrito I bought in Tijuana.
D.J. Paris says:
@MicheleLeAnn And ghosts! Ghosts watch you have sex! Think about that the next time you approach climax.
MicheleLeAnn says:
@tfpHumorBlog Yeah, I’ve already had a ghost sighting. Thanks for bringing that memory front and center. 🙁
D.J. Paris says:
@MicheleLeAnn Explain!
MicheleLeAnn says:
@tfpHumorBlog Well, luckily it wasn’t while climaxing. Thank goodness for that, it could cause a very weird creepy fetish to take place of the very weird creepy fetish I already have. But anywho, I saw a lady go into the room that used to be my boyfriend’s grandmother’s room. I also saw one in the downstairs back hall, that seemed so real I asked it something, thinking it was my boyfriend before I realized no one was there anymore. I would have thought I was just going nuts (lol, going?) , but my cat was watching the same spot. I attract ghosts though, I have my whole life.
D.J. Paris says:
@SunnySays I’ll show you! I’ll show you good!
D.J. Paris says:
I know. I need to try them. You’ve just pushed me into action. Dental action.
D.J. Paris says:
@Craziness Abounds Great! No longer will you smell like a dog’s dick! (I have no idea if that is what a dog’s dick smells like)
Craziness Abounds says:
Really? Funny how that’s the first thing that popped into your head! haha.. Maybe you do know what a dogs dick smells like. Ok that’s just sick lets agree to let the doggie dick lie. Yuck.
D.J. Paris says:
@Craziness Abounds I do know what a dog’s dick feels like. My girlfriend has a male chihuahua and when I pick him up by his belly, I always graze dick. It skeeves me out every time.
Banana Stickers says:
” I have a deep-seeded belief that mops look better on chicks”.
WORD. Call me a sexist, and I’ll call you… by your first name, probably, but Dudes look weird weilding a mop.
JOURNALING. That’s a great outlet for all those awful little voices in my head. I’ll do that. Nightly. Vigorously.
D.J. Paris says:
@Banana Stickers I do that here – odd that people like to read it…
TRfromRL says:
Holy moly…. Who uses “mops” anymore? Mops don’t look good on anyone. If your manhood can handle it get yourself a Swiffer sweeper…use it wet or dry….a few strokes and you’re done *giggle*.
ditto on the journaling, like Banana Stickers said. The voices….dear lord….the voices…
D.J. Paris says:
@TRfromRL I have a Swiffer! They rock.
redbone210 says:
You don’t pick up the poop outside? SHAEMEFUL! It’s people like you that keep me from walking in grass anywhere.
D.J. Paris says:
@redbone210 My dog is 6lbs. People can deal. 🙂
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