How many Chihuahuas are currently sleeping in your bed?
All of you that have less than two please take one giant step forward. Not so fast, Mr. Paris.
Please ignore the observation that I appear four months pregnant.
My girlfriend Jessica has been here for the past two weeks. She brought her cat and dog, who happens to also be a chihuahua. His name is Dirk. Mine, as you may know, is Lil’ Miss Meepers. Both dogs get along swimmingly and cause no problems in my life.
Sleeping is another matter. First of all, I’m just shy of 6’3″. Doesn’t that sound cooler than 6’2″? Instead of going with the more humble and rounding-down 6’2″, I have to try to sound like a big-shot (pun INtended) and round up. Let’s remove ego and start over.
Sleeping is another matter. First of all, I’m 6’2″. My girlfriend is 5’11″. That’s a bunch of tall yoyos for one bed.
By the way, trying out “yoyos” instead of “fools” or “foolios” or “bozos” which I use more regularly. Not sure if I like it. Will keep you posted.
It’s time to get a king bed. Sharing a queen with two tiny dogs who burrow and one girl whose skin runs at 104 Fahrenheit is a little much. If I bump up against her in the middle of the night, it feels like the onset of a chemical burn. I have to recoil and retreat to my side. This is an inch and a half to the right. Not a lot of buffer. Plus, she wakes up with my hand across her mouth every morning. I must have dreams where I’m beating the plops out of something. Hopefully it’s not dreams where I’m beating her up – but that would sort of explain things, right?
I’m putting a two-year plan together on this bed thing. First I just bought a new queen set for my other bedroom. That was expensive. Also, my frame on this bed was not cheap, and it’s a queen. Putting 2k into a king frame and mattress would be painful at this time. I could do it if I started selling my essences (blood, semen – not sure if you can sell urine).
I hope you are sleeping better than I at the moment. But I am grateful to have two animals and a lady that wants to share my bed. Also, I wait for her to fall asleep before unleashing my vapor. I’m a gentleman.
|
Share My Awesomeness!
|
Weekly Best-Of D.J.!
|
13 comments… read them below or add one
I’m sleeping with one chihuahua, one 6 year old wearing a Wolverine costume (who I am now hoping remembered his pull up!), one 9 year old who radiates an incredible amount of heat for such a small person and I think my husband is over there on the other edge of our King size bed. I guess I now need an Emperor size bed, I suppose I will have to design that myself!! Thankfully the other 3 munchkins are sleeping through the wonderfully timed thunderstorm we are having! LOL Although my stories are not nearly as humorous as yours stop by and check out my blog at http://www.fivecrazyboys.com if you get a chance!
@FiveCrazyBoys I just visited and left a comment. I like the site!
I’m in the same situation only with 2 German Shepherds! (And i’m 5’10″, my boyfriend is 6’1)
I just accept that thats our life and I love it!
@LeanneJakubowski You know, you can aim higher in life. A king size bed is not better than what you deserve. I’m here to help you.
I’m 5’2″ and my husband is 5’10″. For a couple of “gross” short people, we have a King bed and it is the best purchase we ever made. I have my zone and he has his. Buy the mattresses and a cheap, but sturdy bed frame from Target. That’s what we did. I’m not worried about spending money on decorative things like a fancy headboard. I needs mah space.
@JW Moxie I hear you, shorty.
I have a king size bed. It’s beautiful. Unless one of, or all of, my three children wake up screaming in the middle of the night and I have to share with them.We are on a sears plan and pay like 80 bucks a month with no interest. It’s pretty awesome.
@CarrieSieffert I always forget you can buy things that way. I never have before. I mean, I did my house and stuff. Beds, huh? You, sir, just gave me a great idea!
Wow, you can really say your girlfriend is HOT. The pic is adorable. It’s tough sleeping with two little burrowing dogs, but worth it, don’t you think. Hubby and I are both tall too, and we only have 1 little dog, but sometimes we almost end up on the floor.
@Tami Parrington She is pretty! For a girl.
You bet your butt you can sell urine! (to people that need a clean specimen for urine drug testing.)
@nstrick76 Oh, I’ve sold some urine to dopers. I’ve been around.
When I finally go to bed (note the time of this post – 1:24 AM EST), I sleep in a king bed with my 6′ XXL husband and 10-pound Pomeranian, Pippin (Hobbit not Musical). So far, we have not squashed him. I’m relying on his piercing yap if he gets rolled over on.
The longer you are together, the more important the king bed is.
Intrusive question for all you people/dog sleepers: what do you say to Fido when, uh, three’s a crowd and we’re lookin’ at you?