A few times a week I find myself coming up with a joke during a dream. And that joke, I’m absolutely convinced, is the greatest joke of all time. Every time.
I vow upon awaking that I will write this gem down and create that day’s blog post around it. I get excited and actually think that this will be funniest post I’ve ever written.
Yes, this all happens during a dream. I know I’m dreaming, but I still don’t have any control over my lucidity, despite having read all of the LaBerge books that claim it’s possible.
By the way, I did some investigating and you know why when you need to run in a dream it’s next to impossible? Your legs feel like they’re underwater, and you can’t run fast enough? There are dream interpreters that claim it means all sorts of figurative crap like how you’re purposely holding yourself back or sabotaging your own progress. Turns out it’s most likely just a response from the body that prohibits you from actually getting up and running around while dreaming. You’re bumping up against that mechanism and it’s working overtime to make sure you don’t leap out the window.
Also, remember that when you’re trying to figure out the meaning of a dream that dogs have nightmares, too. Your dreams are probably not any more significant than my cat’s.
So, I realized on the subway this morning that the joke I wrote during the dream was not exactly a home run. Maybe a six, tops.
But, fuck it, I’ll throw caution to the wind and reveal it here.
So, the idea is this – there’s a room with a bunch of chairs in a circle and a sign on an easel that reads “Hollaback Girl Support Group.”
It’s all women who are each holding their cellphones up to their face, inches away. Some have mascara running down their cheeks from crying.
That’s the joke. Didn’t get it? I don’t blame you.
A “hollaback girl” is a girl who is sadistically insecure and dependent on a man who treats her like dirt. She allows herself to be stepped on repeatedly by jerks.
The joke is basically that a hollaback support group would be a group of women trying to break free from this behavior, but still obsessively checking their phones waiting for text messages from their man.
Okay, maybe only a three.
YoungmanBrown says:
This happens to me all the time. I’m positive that I have dreamt the best epic novel or blockbuster movie. Not just the idea for the movie or book, but the whole damn thing.
I vow to remember every intricate detail during my shower, then write it all down. I start to have my doubts by the time I am shampooing my hair, though.
By the time I have gotten out of the shower and dried myself off, I am typically self-loathing and embarrassed that just a few minutes ago I thought that a movie about microscopic elephants was going to change the world.
beerbecue says:
I dream about tax issues, and I sometimes come up with a brilliant solutions. But when I wake up, I soon realize that the issue (and solution) are total nonsense. I’m a dork.
Katrina says:
I never remember my dreams….I know certain things wake me up because I will wake up frightened or confused about what day it really is etc….but can’t recall anything
D.J. Paris says:
Well, at least in real life you’re not one of those “tax protection” weirdos that believe you constitutionally never have to pay federal income tax. Those guys were huge around the late 90s. I imagine they’re all in the clink now.
D.J. Paris says:
Here – I’ll help you. It’s all dreams about being back in college and you realize you haven’t gone to class all semester and you have the big exam the next day.
ChristineSpong says:
Awful joke, but I finally understand the song!
That pic really doesnt look like hes “sleeping”, lmao!
D.J. Paris says:
@ChristineSpong He’s pleasuring himself to YouPorn, yes. All men do and then pass out. It’s how we’re wired.
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Chris A Ferguson says:
So, because I am a strange person I felt I had to look up “What is a hollaback girl”. Of course I ended up on Urban Dictionary. The BEST definition of a “hollaback girl” is #5 on the list and is as follows:
hollaback girl
“Hollaback girl” is actually a mistaken lyric in the popular song by Gwen Stefani. What she is actually saying is “I ain’t no Holland badger”. Unlike the average omnivorous European badger, this badger, native to the Netherlands, is notorious for eating bananas (which is how it received its title “Meles meles musa”). Stefani clearly states that she is not a Holland badger, and therefore is not the type to eat bananas. She goes on to compare “shit” with “bananas”, voicing her strong dislike for the fruit.
actual words to the song: “I ain’t no Holland badger”
words most often misheard: “I ain’t no hollaback girl”
by Cmcc January 12, 2006
Courtesy of urbandictionary.com
But I did find the joke incredibly hilarious!!! A “9” on my Scale of Joke Judgement”
AGAIN, I’m strange…