My nap addiction has finally made me hit bottom. Literally.
Tonight, after feasting on too much pizza, I sat on my couch working on the computer. My couch is long and comfortable and a great place to fall asleep. I’m not someone who sleeps anywhere but a bed, however it’s the kind of couch where you could, if you wanted, pass out.
I was feeling a heaviness in my stomach as I had a fight with my girlfriend earlier that day. Probably the pizza, too. I’m so used to not noticing my feelings that when they come up I have to pay attention and really “feel” what’s going on. This one was hard to flesh out and I couldn’t tell if it was sadness or fear. It felt terrible and every part of me wanted to run to the internet or to television to escape.
This was a perfect opportunity to see how long I could sit with it and if the feeling would process and pass. But, the couch felt restricting. I couldn’t stretch my arms out to the sides, should I desire. I looked to the floor and the carpet that lay across the hardwood.
“Well, the carpet is pretty thick,” I thought. And I would be able to move and thrash about if I needed movement. Also, since it’s the floor, I wouldn’t fall asleep. This is one of my other problems. When I “meditate” I do it lying down in bed. Within three minutes I’m snoring like a bum on fortified wine. I wake up an hour later vowing to never meditate again in my bed laying down with the shades drawn at 4pm.
I have this huge glass coffee table in front of the couch. Instead of moving it before hitting the ground I simply grabbed a couch pillow (the decorative kind) and placed it under the end of the coffee table. Then I slid under the table, all 6’2″ of me, and closed my eyes. Had someone walked in they would have seen a man lying under his coffee table on his back. It was like that scene from 16 Candles where Anthony Michael Hall is trapped under the glass table in Jake’s parent’s house.
I was snoring away with ten minutes. Trying to stay with the tough feeling was, quite frankly, exhausting. I woke up ninety minutes later.
So, did I process the hard feeling? I’m not sure if I stayed awake long enough to work through it. I’m still not sure what it was. I do know that I long for resolution with my Jessica. I’m frustrated about one thing and she’s frustrated about another. We’d both like to get our way and we both think each other is being unreasonable. Can’t I just date a woman who changes exactly the way I want her to when I want her to?
Has she not been delivered the memo about my importance in the universe? I’m going to type it up tonight and mail out first-class tomorrow. I hope it will be well-received.