Puns are Funs

by D.J. Paris on July 6, 2013

When I’m on vacation with my family my immaturity reaches an all time high.

I revert back into childhood and jokewriting becomes a way to see how many puns I can funnel into a benign conversation. Because puns elicit groans (most of the time) I work on my delivery to try to sneak them into regular chit chat. It’s a little game I play with myself.

Yesterday we went in 90 weather to the Booklyn Botanical Gardens. Within minutes I had entirely sweated through my shirt. It was truly disgusting. I’m not a stink-sweater though. I sweat clean. It’s still unsightly to see a relatively thin, in shape guy sweating like a bastard. But at thirty-seven I kind of don’t care how I look to the public.

The only way out of the heat discomfort for me is humor. If I stop to think about the sweat pouring down my body which I can feel, I get depressed. I start thinking of a thyroid condition I must surely have or thoughts like, “If this was a date, she’d run away screaming, clutching her handbag.”

Puns need to be delivered correctly for maximum effectiveness. You can’t just blurt them out. You have to reel someone in with a set-up, albeit short. If you drone on too long and then hit them with a pun, it’s just a let down.

I pulled my mother aside at the rose garden. I mentioned matter-of-fact the following:

thorny issue

3 people retweeted, and 9 followers “favorited” this. I’m proud.

Later on we walked by a white-poplar. I immediately grabbed my father, walked him back thirty-yards to the tree to deliver this gem.

white poplarNow, walking somebody back thirty yards in the direction you just passed is a real commitment to a joke. And, let’s face it, you’d be upset if you were my father. Disappointed in the joke and also that you had to burn a few calories to hear it.

The bottom line is I need massive attention. Each tweet got at least ten replies. And my followers are funny people. Some of them improved upon the pun, others shamed me, and some just LOLd. And I was comforted briefly in the hot weather. Your words are like a quick stand in front of an open refrigerator door.

When people ask me why I love Twitter so much it’s because I can write stupid jokes and somebody is going to laugh. I’m sure I lost a few followers as a result of those two tweets, also, but that’s okay. I leave my best writing for this blog, and my kid humor for Twitter.

I haven’t been put on anyone’s “Must follow this funny person” Twitter list yet, and who knows if that will happen. Since I crave validation it would pretty much be the greatest day of my life. Until then I have my only my family and you. Continue to tell me I rock until enough therapy kicks in where I can do it myself.

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23 comments… read them below or add one

Clare July 6, 2013 at 10:40 am

Maturity is overrated most of the time and a laugh at a corny joke is still a laugh. When I draft my “must follow this funny person” list, I promise to put you on it.

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D.J. Paris July 7, 2013 at 10:14 am

Thanks Clare! I’ll keep trying to bring the magic. (note – I refer to my humor as “magic”)

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Ella July 6, 2013 at 1:21 pm

“Your words are like a quick stand in front of an open refrigerator door”
For a second I read that as “quick sand”, leading me to briefly envisage some kind of elaborate and macabre trap set up to catch unsuspecting midnight feasters…

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D.J. Paris July 7, 2013 at 10:15 am

I feel like nobody dies in quick sand anymore. I’d like to see a few of those fatalities each year. Morbid, but honest.

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Megly Mc July 6, 2013 at 3:33 pm

I’m 38 and have been teaching for 16 years, and I still can’t say duty or balls without giggling to myself. Maturity makes life tedious.

If anyone gave a remote shit about my twitter feed, I’d throw you a bone. (Ha! Bone…)

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D.J. Paris July 7, 2013 at 10:16 am

I love dirty double-meaning words. You’re not wrong for celebrating those.

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Megly Mc July 7, 2013 at 5:51 pm

It probably crossed the line when my teaching partner and I purposely used the word “balls” in every way that we possibly could to make a classroom full of 8th grade boys’ heads implode.

“Hey, Denise, do you hate when the boys forget to put their balls away after recess?”
“Why, yes, Meg, I do hate when they leave their balls laying around. If only they had a sack to put their balls in, we wouldn’t have suck a messy, ball-covered room.”

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AlwaysARedhead July 7, 2013 at 6:27 am

Puns drive me literally insane. Why? Because I have a teenage boy who along with his father, whom will only speak in puns, sometimes for days. You might as well commit me to the nearest institution.

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D.J. Paris July 7, 2013 at 10:16 am

It’s more the cleverness of it that I love than the actual humor. Humor-wise, they’re only a 2. :)

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Mohan July 26, 2013 at 4:52 pm

Dec27 The pun is actually the hiehsgt form of humor. All others depend upon an element of cruelty for their effect. The pratfall, the pie in the face, the unpleasant surprise. Think of any joke you know. Would it be funny if it were happening to you right now?Only puns do not need that cruelty to others for humor. They only need an agile mind and a familiarity with the language.

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M July 7, 2013 at 8:07 am

So right after I read your post, I moved down the Twitter feed to find this gem from Mother Jones Magazine: If pro-choice activists want to stop Texas from regulating clinics maybe they should call them “fertilizer plants.” http://bit.ly/1aJl7O6

Well played, MJ. DJ, I’m confident you will come up with a retort. Until then, I’m going to make like a fetus and head out.

That was….wrong. It felt wrong.

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D.J. Paris July 7, 2013 at 10:18 am

Ha – I try to stay away from abortion humor as I don’t want to upset the apple cart. Plus, abortion jokes usually aren’t that funny. I just wrote one right now, and deleted it. It was about “fourth trimester abortions” – it was funny, but wrong. So wrong.

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Ahmad July 26, 2013 at 8:46 am

Jun10TaraBear Wow how did you manage to meet my failmy? Because this sounds exactly like something they would do. Wait!! Does this mean I’m low class in the humor social scale?!? D= No, I think I’ll go with Lazin’s opinion and remember that a quality pun takes intellect and class to come up with. (=Anyway, as always, keep up the PUN-tastic work!! The backgrounds are looking better and better, by the way. And your arms in the fourth panel and face in the last panel are very PUNny!!*P.S. What happens if I’ve already stumbled all the strips? I love your stuff, so I pretty much thumb them right after I read the day’s strip. I even thumbed the store too, for all the cool merch, and the homepage, just because.

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Genevieve July 27, 2013 at 3:04 am

Jun09Mike *sigh* I suppose I’ll make an SU acucont just so now I can claim in two different places that I like what you do.Hah! I was actually talking to a friend about puns today. The lowest form of humor argument came up. We decided that it’s wrong to subject high class humor lovers to such cruel and unusual PUNishment.

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Andrea July 7, 2013 at 9:27 pm

I like puns but always feel like punching a punster in the face.

Mainly because I didn’t think of it first.

Well played on the poplar tree one. Because botanical gardens just seem like places that could use a little humor.

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Linda Roy July 7, 2013 at 10:28 pm

Puns are a way of life for me, my friend. So is immaturity. My 13yo is constantly reminding me that he’s more mature than me. And I’m okay with that. And now of course, this is the one time I can’t think of a damn pun. I owe ya one.

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Linda Roy July 7, 2013 at 10:28 pm

Actually…I meant to say “I owe ya pun.” Phew. I still got it.

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Catherine July 8, 2013 at 8:26 am

I don’t have a pun…but I have a funny story that is true. A friend of mine went to a supermarket with her 4 year old daughter. When they went to pay for their items the cashier was a midget. (Not politically correct) . Her daughter points to him and loudly states, “look mommy…..a baby with a daddy head! ”

my friend was mortified…..but the entire faculty at my school was hysterical laughing at the picture it conjured up. I still laugh every time I tell it.

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Danyel Lafferty July 8, 2013 at 9:01 am

It ought to boost your ego to know i lost (“forgot”) my previous login criteria for twitter but re established a new one JUST so i could comment on a story you wrote a few weeks ago- of course you pleasantly replied but did not follow back. :(
I will say again i enjoy reading your stories – they have brought many smiles to my face during these drawn out radiation treatments. I thank you for that. If i remember correctly i saw you advertise a book you wrote that i would like to order if i can find the link again. Keep up the good work. Of course your personality is what shines through each story giving them life. So i guess i should really be saying, dont change DJ. Your perfect just the way you are! ;P

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Hilal July 27, 2013 at 5:22 am

Jun29Allen M. Is it the lowest form of comdey? I love puns. Shakespeare used puns all the time. James Joyce, a man I thoroughly hate, wrote novels comprised entirely of puns and references. Then there’s Norm Macdonald.Okay maybe I’m not making the greatest case here.

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John P Jones July 9, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Good story. I love puns. Can’t think of any now,but when I’m with my grand kids they flow like water.(The puns,not the kids.)

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PocDesastre July 11, 2013 at 11:51 am

You rock. And your puns are better than these: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/of-the-greatest-puns-of-all-time

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Joan July 26, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Jun10Lazin I sorta disagree with the idea that puns are a low form of codemy. It may be a low laughter causing type of joke, but quality puns do require a certain amount of intelligence to think up. It feels like this should be a buildup to a pun, but it’s too early for me to come up with something so I’ll just say I stumbled this for teh lootz. Third, fifth, and sixth panels rock.

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