Puns are Funs

by D.J. Paris on July 6, 2013

When I’m on vacation with my family my immaturity reaches an all time high.

I revert back into childhood and jokewriting becomes a way to see how many puns I can funnel into a benign conversation. Because puns elicit groans (most of the time) I work on my delivery to try to sneak them into regular chit chat. It’s a little game I play with myself.

Yesterday we went in 90 weather to the Booklyn Botanical Gardens. Within minutes I had entirely sweated through my shirt. It was truly disgusting. I’m not a stink-sweater though. I sweat clean. It’s still unsightly to see a relatively thin, in shape guy sweating like a bastard. But at thirty-seven I kind of don’t care how I look to the public.

The only way out of the heat discomfort for me is humor. If I stop to think about the sweat pouring down my body which I can feel, I get depressed. I start thinking of a thyroid condition I must surely have or thoughts like, “If this was a date, she’d run away screaming, clutching her handbag.”

Puns need to be delivered correctly for maximum effectiveness. You can’t just blurt them out. You have to reel someone in with a set-up, albeit short. If you drone on too long and then hit them with a pun, it’s just a let down.

I pulled my mother aside at the rose garden. I mentioned matter-of-fact the following:

thorny issue

3 people retweeted, and 9 followers “favorited” this. I’m proud.

Later on we walked by a white-poplar. I immediately grabbed my father, walked him back thirty-yards to the tree to deliver this gem.

white poplarNow, walking somebody back thirty yards in the direction you just passed is a real commitment to a joke. And, let’s face it, you’d be upset if you were my father. Disappointed in the joke and also that you had to burn a few calories to hear it.

The bottom line is I need massive attention. Each tweet got at least ten replies. And my followers are funny people. Some of them improved upon the pun, others shamed me, and some just LOLd. And I was comforted briefly in the hot weather. Your words are like a quick stand in front of an open refrigerator door.

When people ask me why I love Twitter so much it’s because I can write stupid jokes and somebody is going to laugh. I’m sure I lost a few followers as a result of those two tweets, also, but that’s okay. I leave my best writing for this blog, and my kid humor for Twitter.

I haven’t been put on anyone’s “Must follow this funny person” Twitter list yet, and who knows if that will happen. Since I crave validation it would pretty much be the greatest day of my life. Until then I have my only my family and you. Continue to tell me I rock until enough therapy kicks in where I can do it myself.

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