I was in San Francisco this past week with my girlfriend for a wedding. San Fran is one of the greatest cities in the country. It’s basically NYC, Chicago, and San Francisco in my opinion. And this opinion is right. There isn’t a better big city than those three (sorry Jacksonville).
But the weather in SF sucks. It just does. That’s how amazing the city is. The weather sucks and it’s still in the top three. Pretty impressive feat, no?
Since the wedding was east of SF we headed into the city afterwards to spend two days walking uphill. Staying in Union Square is fun and right in the center of everything awesome. We walked to Chinatown and ate Dim Sum. We hoofed to the piers. Bought hash in the Haight, and danced like mofos in the Castro. (The last two are absolutely untrue, but were added for color)
Speaking of color, I have none. Well, I have a little when I hang out in the sun for a few weeks. But get a few too many minutes out there and I turn red. Which sucks because it looks like I’m always embarrassed. But I rarely get embarrassed. Except about my face being red, ironically.
We went to Alcatraz because I had never been. Jessica lived in San Fran years ago, but she was a sport and took me. I don’t know why I never made it there in the past, but it was time.
Alcatraz is one of those city to-dos that when you’re done you go, “Hmm… okay.” You’re not thrilled you did it, nor disappointed. It’s a 5/10. You should do it, but don’t get pumped up in advance. It’s a prison, you see cells. That’s about it.
Altogether you’ll spend at least two hours there, and even in the high 40s, there was sunlight. And since I don’t equate sun exposure with low temperature, it didn’t occur to me I could get burned. Yet, I got burned.
The good news is my hair turned more blonde, which satisfies my ego because at 35 I am still desparately clinging to the fact that blonde equals greatness. Which, of course, it doesn’t. But in my world it’s what makes me special! Let me have it, people. I don’t ask for much.
So, here I am after about three hours in the 50 degree sun. Ladies, prepare to have your panties melted right off.
Sonja Rois says:
Just a lil FYI, you can also get sunburn on a cloudy day. Pretty much anytime you are exposed to the sun’s energy, not heat. That’s why you can get burned through windows and, in your case, cooler temps. I found that one out the hard way. (I am really sensitive to getting burned. It usually only takes about 10 mins for a burn and 20 min for blisters to appear. There is a reason I’m a night owl.)
D.J. Paris says:
@Sonja Rois Well that and the fact that you feast on the virgin blood of sleeping newborns in the suburbs.
Sonja Rois says:
How else am I supposed to stay young forever?
D.J. Paris says:
@Sonja Rois You’ve brought up a really strong argument. I have no problems with that.
Kristina says:
New York is definitely number one, and I would probably give the number two spot to Chicago, as well. But as much as I love San Francisco, for me Boston snags the final ‘three best U.S. cities’ spot. Better museums, better sports fans, and the Tea Party. And that’s not even mentioning the whole weather issue!
D.J. Paris says:
Sorry, you are just wrong. Boston is fine, but it’s really #5, behind Seattle. And the sports fans there are weird. The rest of the country believes this. They’re the only ones who don’t. But, the no sales-tax thing is nice.
Kristina says:
@delfinparis Pffft… I was willing to concede ambiguity on the San Fran/Boston score, but Seattle?! Nice enough, which is basically the point – it’s a nice, average city, just like dozens of others. Plus, talk about crappy weather…
D.J. Paris says:
Other than getting drunk and walking the Freedom Trail and hanging out with the squirrels in Harvard Square, there isn’t much. The North End has good restaurants. That’s all I got.
wilyguy says:
Too bad they don’t make stuff to prevent that…
TheDoseofReality says:
One of the worst sunburns of my life (on the tops of my knees no less, that was fun!) came in San Fran. watching the Giants play baseball.
Being fair is totally a buzz-kill.
D.J. Paris says:
@TheDoseofReality So your knees are now both sunburned AND ashy? (see what I did there? I burned you!)
Jessica_thereader says:
I believe this situation could be used as a direct argument to Adam Corolla’s intense mistrust/dislike of moisturizers, cleanzers, and such. An oil-free moisturizer with SPF will equal a moisturized, wrinkle-free, and less sunburnt DJ. Your sister works for the company that owns Kiehl’s for goodness sake! Get some!! (BTW – when you get some, get me some too!)
D.J. Paris says:
@Jessica_thereader It is a wild coincidence that Dana Paris would be a Vice President at L’Oreal Paris. Although, the oracle at Delphi did predict this.
Karibdavis13 says:
Despite being Irish, I only tan, which is weird. And you must put Portland or Austin in your top five.
D.J. Paris says:
@Karibdavis13 You are correct, sir! And by sir, I mean madame. Boston has now officially been kicked out of the top five, behind Seattle, Austin and Portland. Thank you for the correction.
riatarded says:
hahah the expression is priceless!
D.J. Paris says:
@riatarded I was constipated. Damn my cheese addiction! (just kidding – cheese is only eaten by women)
cinemasugar says:
@tfpHumorBlog How bad is it that it took me a while after reading that this meant fair as in “pale,” rather than fair as in “just.”?