If you don’t know what this is, then read the part I post which will explain.
Tonight are the recommendations from Facebookers. Since I’m not sure if they want their names out there, I’m simply using initials.
- CSP – big boobed ladies lol
I should mention that this suggestion was written by a woman. I’d like to address women for a moment. The whole “size of chest” thing is a huge myth that we men have perpetuated on you. Nobody cares. I mean, sure, I guess a few guys do, but nobody I know. I’ve run the gamut from A to DD and even a woman who had a reduction. None of it really mattered to me. If anything, focus on the fanny. Firm fanny trumps big jacks. Speaking of which, I have never pinched a fanny. I feel like that’s a dirty old man move, but I’m not sure why a pinch is more exciting than a slap. Pinch will grab fat. I’m going to stay with the slap.
- KUH - pigs in a blanket
I had to look this one up, as I wasn’t sure what this was. Yes, I have eaten them once or twice. Whenever I see cocktail weenies plain or wrapped in pastry, I keep walking. They’re always at someone’s house party, and if you keep walking down the buffet line you’ll bump into something better. I look first for the shrimp tray. I always do the math on how many shrimp I can put on my plate without looking like an asshole. If you stuff a few of the tail-shells in your front pocket you can go back for seconds. I have done this. Let’s face it – cocktail weenies suck no matter if naked or baked in flour. Grow up and spend a few bucks for your party. These are your friends, for chrissakes. Shrimp it up!
- NK - Dingleberries. You’re welcome.
Sadly, I once came up with a cartoon concept about dingleberries. While I can’t speak about this phenomena personally, I will tell you a plan my buddy Dave had a few years back. He sent me this story of a guy who started Nair’ing his butthole. Swear to God. His whole idea was that it would make his clean up session basically spot-free. I’m trying to keep the language here civil, by the way. He documented the whole ordeal and said every guy should do it. Dave suggested we both take part and report our findings. I told him under no circumstance would I participate. Dave went for it. I called him a few days later. He said it would never be done again as he had burned his rectum up pretty good. By the way, Dave’s basically a genius who triple majored in Finance, Econ, and Accounting in four years of college. And yet, he got into his shower stall last year, bent over, and Nair’ed his brown eye.
- MHM - About how you can create a WHOLE story about me meeting Ryan Gossling