No, not really.
But I got your attention, right? What a sneaky dick!
I was curious to see how many words I’ve written since I started this fakakta blog. Thankfully, as Apple puts it…
There’s a piece of electronic computing software that is available to download and install that will perform a series of applicative tasks on your behalf.
There IS an app for this!
So, here are my stats as they stand right this goddamn second.
The average novel contains 70-85k words. I’m at 88k.
I guess I not only wrote a novel, but am working on the sequel!
I’ve actually written even more than what’s shown. Impossible you say? Nay!
It’s not uncommon for me to write something that I’m presently focused on, spend thirty minutes, and then when I read it back realize it’s just going to make people feel uncomfortable. Once I attempted via video to explain how devastatingly sad I was – the video went on for seven minutes. It was so depressing during playback that I had to hide the cutlery. So, that got shelved.
But that’s not written. I have a lot of drafts that never get posted for a variety of reasons. Here’s a piece from a draft I pulled. I don’t remember what this is in reference to.
Hmm… after thinking about it, I had never once showered with other dudes in gym class. I get uncomfortable walking into my gym’s locker room and seeing guys in various stages of undress. I’m not particularly neat or fit. I do like showtunes, however.
So, tonight I’m patting myself on the back. Sure I’m a celebrated writer – we all know this. But now, I can hang with the likes of James Joyce, Mark Twain, and other author names I can’t think of right now.
I’m like them because I crank out the same number of words. Oh, now I remember – John Steinbeck! I love that guy. East of Eden may be the best thing ever written. Next to the story of my father’s naughties.
SeriousK says:
Congrats! You wrote a novel! Get the Absinthe ready. Now you can self publish on Amazon and sell this masterpiece for .99 cents and plant your own money tree. Nice work!
D.J. Paris says:
@SeriousK Well, I haven’t done a book yet. One of these days. I have a load of material I’m saving. Mostly about my stint as a underground Filipino Kickboxing Champion.
YoungmanBrown says:
Congrats! Now onward to the sequel.
I’d be interested in checking out that app, if you wouldn’t mind sharing a link.
D.J. Paris says:
@YoungmanBrown WP Word Count – awesome plugin.
wilyguy says:
Who gets to play you in the movie remake? I’m still saying Jake Busey…
D.J. Paris says:
@wilyguy It will most likely be a t.v. movie. So, yeah, Jake Busey makes sense.
wilyguy says:
I have included you and your blog in some wicked company in winning an award. Check out my Even Mark Rypien Won a Super Bowl post..
http://itsmynd.com
Katjaneway says:
One word for you: NaNoWriMo. Have you done it? I have. 😉
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway No, I don’t speak jive. Explain!
Katjaneway says:
@tfpHumorBlog It’s short for National Novel Writing Month. It’s in November, and you are tasked with writing something at least 10,000 words just in that month. Thousands of people participate each year.
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway Sure, I’ll do it. I hit that every month anyway.
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway Sure, I’ll do it. I hit that every month anyway.
Katjaneway says:
@tfpHumorBlog well, it’s national NOVEL writing month. I’m not sure how much “blogging” would count… lol but then again, you’re really the only one keeping track, so if YOU think it does, then it does o_O
Katjaneway says:
@tfpHumorBlog well, it’s national NOVEL writing month. I’m not sure how much “blogging” would count… lol but then again, you’re really the only one keeping track, so if YOU think it does, then it does o_O
Katjaneway says:
@tfpHumorBlog It’s short for National Novel Writing Month. It’s in November, and you are tasked with writing something at least 10,000 words just in that month. Thousands of people participate each year.
Katjaneway says:
@tfpHumorBlog It’s a real thing, I promise lol
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway Thanks for telling me about it!
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway Thanks for telling me about it!
Katjaneway says:
@tfpHumorBlog It’s a real thing, I promise lol
blueeyesburn says:
@tfpHumorBlog Sneaky McSneakster, that’s why you call it a humor blog, isn’t it?!? 😉
D.J. Paris says:
I have included you and your blog in some wicked company in winning an award. Check out my Even Mark Rypien Won a Super Bowl post..
http://itsmynd.com