A friend recently pleaded with me to change my photo here on the site.
He said it didn’t look like me and didn’t capture my silliness. Plus, he said it made me look like a bad man. He then went into detail about what kind of criminal I resembled. Without going into specifics let’s just say it wasn’t flattering.
My friend has a point. It really isn’t me. I’m quite aware the photo makes me look tough, rugged and masculine. Hardly anyone would describe me in these terms in real life. In athletic competition I can be fierce and I can defend myself physically if I have to, but that’s about it. I don’t go camping, watch sports, or whistle at broads from a construction site.
I’m also aware that it seems a majority of the people who read this blog are women. The photo of myself is handsome. Ironically, that photo wasn’t even taken of me exclusively. I wouldn’t pose like that for the camera, as my douchiness level has not yet reached that height. But I assume that women will not be visually turned off from that shot. It’s attractive.
Here’s the original photo from whence I clippped.
Image Source – C.B. Lindsey
So you can see, we just took a band “serious” shot. I love this one. And so, I did what every insecure person would do – take the hottest photo of themselves and put it online. It’s American, dammit!
The reality is that you’re more likely to find me laughing that scowling. If you’ve watched my videos or listened to the podcast you’ll see I’m pretty upbeat in person. I laugh a good part of the day, as is my way. But, when I was first deciding on a photo to use a few women told me I looked dashing (well, they didn’t use that word, but I always wanted to be like Cary Grant) so I chose it.
I’m not alone here. Whether were trying to find love on Match or just presenting our physical selves on our blogs or Facebook, most of us aren’t secure enough to put a “warts and all” picture as our avatar. There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to look your best. But when my best isn’t reflective of who I actually am as a person then it’s not terribly authentic.
Here’s another one from the same shoot that better reflects my personality.
But because in my mind I’m not as fetching in this one, I didn’t use it. I know I sound like a lunatic but, shit, this is a confessional post. Since I grew up thinking I was ugly the idea of anything that makes me look attractive is still a instant way to get a pleasure rush. I actually don’t think about my looks much at all anymore, as I’ve grown comfortable with my appearance.
Something bugs me about my chosen photo, though. It’s the tough guy image, the not staring directly into the camera, and how much I know it projects something I’m not. I’m not going to change it right now though, as I don’t think I can. Not yet that secure. Before that photo I used a now seven-year old photo of myself where I definitely looked younger than I am. My friends really busted my balls on that one.
So, at least now it’s my real age. And so what if he shiny’ed up my appearance and made me look like I-don’t-need-a-woman-in-my-life-because-I’m-a-loner, man. No filly can tame this stallion! I’m a brooding poet who carries a switchblade.
I used a switchblade once. Not to cut someone who did me wrong, but just to open it like the Sharks did in West Side Story. I was terrified I was going to have the wrong side held and slice open my fingers. It came out and I felt like a killer. It was good. Then I totally freaked out and dropped it and ran as to not stab my toes.
So, I’m not much of a tough guy. That’s okay. At least I have a photo that makes me look like I am.
MILF Runner says:
You look sort of Daniel Craig-ish in the one you use in your profile. Not so much in the other – which isn’t to be taken in a negative way!
“Since I grew up thinking I was ugly the idea of anything that makes me look attractive is still a instant way to get a pleasure rush. I actually don’t think about my looks much at all anymore, as I’ve grown comfortable with my appearance.” I could say the very same thing. Probably a lot of people could.
D.J. Paris III says:
Yeah, we all grew up thinking we were ugly. Just part of growing up. 🙂
Barbara Zukoff says:
You are adorable! And very fun to read!
Quirky Chrissy says:
My two-cents (take them for what they are): On first sight, your picture made me think: Hmm…this guy looks like he thinks he is WAY cooler than me. He’s probably a douche. But then I started reading the posts (because I try really hard not to judge a book by the picture of the author 😉 )and I realized that you ARE probably cooler than me, but you would probably also make one hell of a friend.
I really enjoy reading your blog, and I think that your readers will agree that it’s not the picture that makes the man. (And for the record, the smiling pictures of you make you way more approachable.) Happy almost Friday!
D.J. Paris III says:
I went from douche to cool! I love it! I bet you’re not the only one that had this impression. Ha.
Kianwi says:
If I had a picture of myself on my blog, I would for certain make it the hottest and most gorgeous I could find. If I was on a dating site, however (which I haven’t resorted to, yet!) I would put a mediocre one on there. The reason being, then, when I met someone in person, they would be pleasantly surprised at how hot I am in person. That’s how I always imagine it, anyway 🙂
D.J. Paris III says:
That’s a great idea! If I ever get to a dating site I’m going to take a picture of myself right when I wake up. I call my hair at that point, “early 80’s lesbian hair.” It’s not hot.
Ellie says:
You look Shopped into the back of the group shot…I think it’s the way you’re not in the light like the others.
In all honesty, you should take the pic from the meerkat on the furthest right of your holiday card and make that your visual representation. That, my friend, captures your real essence.
D.J. Paris III says:
That’s not a bad idea! Maybe I’ll change the logo to “I’m a Meerkat Now!”
Kate Hall says:
Dude, you have to keep that picture. To be hot AND funny – every lady’s dream. People follow that crap. I had a picture of me (and my sister) in a frame years ago that sat on my table. One of my guy friends picked it up and asked who it was. I told him it was me and he said, “No way! That’s not you. This chick’s hot!” JERK!
D.J. Paris III says:
Fine – I’ll keep it. You sold me. A guy should never say anything that undermines your hotness. We call that a “bad idea.”
Theresa Ortega says:
Hilarious. Not sure why you grew up thinking you were unattractive. Would love to see your handwriting to find out. Your blog header – seriously funny. This is good stuff!
D.J. Paris III says:
Ooh – can you do a handwriting analysis for me? I will totally get that to you!
Theresa Ortega says:
Sure can! Here’s what to do: choose a blank sheet of paper (no lines), write a short paragraph or two. Write in your “normal” style……….sit comfortably to write. When you’re done, sign your name as you would to any “official” document such as a letter or a contract. Scan and email to me. Not promising how soon I can have something back, but I will do a quick analysis for you!
D.J. Paris says:
I’ll definitely write a post on it and promote you site! Emailing over now!
Jan says:
The title of your post caught my eye over on the UBC. As someone who doesn’t have any photo of herself online – anywhere… Anyway, the title appealed and it made me chuckle.
Just for the record, I prefer the second pic of you in the post. You’re smiling, you look like a happy chappy and if I was to judge people by their profile pics that would be the one I’d more likely click on.
D.J. Paris III says:
I’ll have to check out the UBC. Is that the all-women’s no-hold’s-barred fighting circuit? Ultimate Broads Chamption? 🙂
Cheri says:
I completely get it. It took me quite a while to post any picture of myself for my online identity; I was much happier with a lovely landscape or cherished character. Then I progressed to family pictures where I was not the main focal point. Now I usually post my own picture on facebook (though on my blog it’s still a family pic), but I dang sure try to find the best one I can! Or an old childhood pic which people will simply declare as cute, and not give it too much thought.
Anyway, as others have said, I prefer the second photo, but as someone who never likes *any* picture of myself, I feel your pain.
D.J. Paris III says:
Everybody deserves one good photo. Keep taking them until you find one!
AMummysLife says:
If I had a hot picture of myself, I would probably use it too. As it is, I have to make do with the mediocre ones of myself because I am not a photogenic person.
D.J. Paris III says:
But if you truly are mediocre in all things (like me) than a mediocre photo is appropriate. Celebrate your middle of the roadness!
Plgrace says:
I feel your pain. My new avi has that classic Star Trek “soften the focus so she looks younger” look.
D.J. Paris III says:
Post it! Let’s see!
Kelly says:
I like the second picture a lot!! I like the first one too – even you know you look hot in that shot!
I used a switch blade before. Pretty cool huh? For a woman! I opened a book I got via Amazon in a taped up box. Didn’t even cut myself. I’m now considering some knife throwing classes…..?
D.J. Paris III says:
A chick with a switchblade? Remind me never to date you. You scare me!
heidi says:
Most writers have an alter ego and to be able to capture one of them in a photo is rare. Although both images are well done, if you prefer the slightly bad ass picture, I’d stick with it. We don’t get to show off that side of ourselves as often as we would like.
I follow you on twitter but this is my first drive-by to your blog and I’m liking your posts so far 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks for following! I think I will stay with the badass one for awhile. It’s fun!
Chris Desatoff says:
Hey DJ,
From a promotion/marketing standpoint…you absolutely made the right choice with photo #1. No need to feel apologetic on that one.
Having said that, the first time I saw your “real” face a few weeks back, I was like, “What the hell? Who IS this?” haha. So yeah, I can see the dilemma.
I say leave it, though. In an ADD world where most of our websites’ visitors click away in less than 5 seconds, I say, “Leave it!” It makes a great first impression. It catches readers’ attention and either makes them instantly love you or hate you. So, either way…IT WORKS! It keeps many of them on the page to give your content a fighting chance.
Then, once they get to know you a little bit through your content, photo #2 (and other pics/vids like it) can almost seem intriguing…they show that there’s more than one side to this guy.
D.J. Paris says:
Yeah, that was my thinking. Purely a marketing decision. I figure that if the content isn’t solid they won’t come back despite the photo.
Sue Diamond-Phillips says:
You know, i- for some reason- assumed that wasn’t you before. And i love that you used the term “fetching” 🙂 Both are great pictures, so there.
D.J. Paris says:
Ha – yep. It’s me. Thanks for reading!
gina valley says:
Both photos are good, but I think it would be more fun to go have a beer with the guy in the second photo (the one where you are smiling).
Use whichever one makes you happy.
Brenda says:
The new picture suits your style of writing…hysterical. that being said, the other picture makes you look like a real bad-ass, and who doesn’t dig a bad-ass every now and then. Joke
You have to choose what makes you happy…right?
Jesse says:
Gotta confess here, the title of your post caught my eye on Twitter. The badass picture of you does scream sexy animal beast. However, the second picture is the one I was more drawn to as it says confidently good looking in a good way with a bit of underlying badass.
Katjaneway says:
I love that pic!! Use it use it use it!!
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
Band promo shots always make for excellent fodder elsewhere. Except for that one I’ve got floating around where the drummer and I both look like we’re about to toss our cookies. (He actually did)
That’s why I used one up until very recently for my avatar. But when I heard myself telling you (and other people) that the pic was 20 years old and therefore, doesn’t resemble the current me all that much…I changed it. Now I probably don’t look 6 foot tall anymore! LOL
Adrienn says:
I just set up a twitter account for the first time and for some reason you were instantly listed as a follower, and I thought “How the hell do I have a follower?” and I ignored you. But now I am reading you and loving your posts. And now you have vanished from my followers. It’s easy to keep track because I have 5 followers. That’s what I get for ignoring you. Thanks for making me laugh…you have been added to a growing list of bloggers who are inspiring me to tredge on through the painful process of building a blog.
christy hardin says:
Picture is fine, but I admit, the just out of bed, 80’s lesbian look, could definitely work for you too! who knows, maybe I’ll be inspired to change mine….maybe my, just out of bed, finger in the light socket look could work for me ! 🙂 great sense of humor