How To Bring A Stinky Sandwich On an Airplane

pastrami corned beef
My lunch > Your lunch

If you’re Jewish, or secretly wish you were, (like me) you know that Passover is upon us.  I don’t know much about their religion, but I know that  the Jews have some pretty fantastic food.

Ever eaten matzo ball soup?  It’s the best thing ever.  I’m totally shocked that I’ve never once seen it on a restaurant menu outside of a few delis.  Also, just matzo crackers – delicious.

I’m traveling down to Atlanta for the weekend to spend time with my girlfriend’s family.  I flew out of Midway airport, and the best thing about Midway is that they have a Manny’s kiosk there.  If you’re not familiar with Manny’s it’s the premier Jewish deli in Chicago.  Similar to Carnegie and Katz in New York City, but a little better in my opinion.  I’ve written about it before.

Right before I boarded my plane I ordered a half pastrami, half corned beef sandwich and a huge potato pancake.  I nearly got matzo ball soup, but decided against it.

pastrami corned beef
My lunch > Your lunch

Now, if you’ve ever had hot pastrami and corned beef, you know it smells like death.  And nobody on an airplane wants to smell your stinky cured meats.  It’s like when some jackass whips out the bag of McDonald’s next to you, and you want to throw up because it’s too strong at 10:15am.

But I needed to eat my food.  So here’s what I did.

I waited.

You know how when you’re in the bathroom at night tearing it up from the Thai lunch you had with your boss?  Sure you do.  Then, your husband makes the mistake of barging in, not realizing you’re in the middle of Dante’s fifth circle of Hell.  And he freaks out and threatens divorce, and he’s right to do it.

You get used to the smell over time.  The same principle applies on a plane.  I sealed the bag of food up tight, and stuffed it under my seat.  I knew if I whipped it out right away, people would not appreciate the stank.  Ten minutes later, as we were taxing, I opened the bag  slightly.  While we were ascending, I opened it a little more.  I waited a good thirty minutes longer, and then opened the bag fully.

By this time I’m sure the other passenger’s  nostrils were all burned out anyway, and nobody seemed to notice.  You have to ease someone into a stench on an airplane.  Do it for them.  Pay it forward.

3 thoughts on “How To Bring A Stinky Sandwich On an Airplane”

  1. about100percent says:

    A friend and I were accosted by a stinky-onion-sandwich-toting family on a late-night flight after an entire day  of traveling.   I woke up to this stench slapping me in the face as soon as I sat down. They obviously didn’t know the rules.

  2. LenaScott says:

    This is awesome. I am one of those not Jewish but wish I was…lol, first time I’ve heard someone say that! That sandwich looks awesome. I am hungry…….my cranky upstairs neighbor who cracks jokes like Rodney Dangerfield used to be in the IDF but is descended from Chicago’s finest. The “Almost Rebbe” as I have dubbed him (when I am not calling him Grandma which you know he loves)  is one of my faves. He tells me I must have a Jewish bubbe somewhere in my line, because he swears I am Jewish. It totally mystifies him how a girl like me ended up with what he terms a Jewish soul. But I enjoy confusing him so what can I say? I also admire your ability to hold out on eating that sandwich in all its glory, the smell be damned.

  3. OldDogNewTits says:

    You are a considerate man. A considerate man indeed. I’ll have to take your method into consideration the next time I indulge in Greek food within cramped quarters.
     
    Still, I do not think you should ever (ever) compare the aroma of your lunch to that of a conquered bathroom. For your sake. For mine. And for the poor schlep who prepared your Kosher delicacies.

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