After a very long day, I am finally home. At work I only consumed 300 calories, which is because I typically don’t schedule lunch. This is incredible unhealthy, and I’m sure my metabolism is that of a borderline diabetic.
Then, I had a support group meeting, talking about my feelings for two hours, drank a Fanta (110 calories), and got home around 9pm.
I finally gourged on food, and found out my cat peed next to my bed (probably because I forgot to give her the daily dose of Prozac yesterday).
So, I’m exhausted and have nothing funny or interesting to say.
But I’m a committed person to my loyal readers. So here goes…
Today I did an entire interview with my dog on my lap in my office. That’s pretty goddamn weird. At work I wear a full business suit. You know, the tie and coat and matching pants, and one of those Brooks Brothers wrinkle-free shirts.
I didn’t just let the dogs sit in my lap sleeping. I stroked her all the while, and I scratch her hard. During that time, she fell asleep and she started snoring. It didn’t even occur to me this may be an inappropriate interview strategy. I’m sure I freaked out the guy wanting the job. Oh well…
And, oh yeah, the dog was wearing two sweaters at the time.
The above was no exaggeration. Good night, and I promise to do better tomorrow.
aczielke says:
Hahaha!! Two sweaters! He was probably so warm he couldn’t keep his little eyes open. I think if i was interviewing and they had a dog in the office I would be all over the dog. Or would have the hardest time focusing cause I wanted to pet the puppy!! Well, I hope the guy did well regardless of the pooch. Keep up the good work DJ. i’m doing a 21 day yoga challenge and its haaarrrrdddd. Okay, I’m done too.
Jesse3581 says:
“Today I did an entire interview with my dog on my lap in my office.”
I mis-read that and thought you interviewed the dog. You know. Like you’re Jay Leno and you’re all, “Welcome to the program, glad to see you here … that’s a lovely sweater you’re wearing …”
Don’t feel bad about having no material. I’m right there with you, but we’ll do better.
Because we goddamn better, that’s why.
Jessica_thereader says:
That’s very Dr. Evil of you. I would bet that gentleman either thought he was being punked or that you were about to divulge your evil plan for world domination at any minute. You had better at least hire him, after you traumatized him for an hour!
D.J. Paris says:
@Jessica_thereader I repeated the same activity today in two of my interviews!
D.J. Paris says:
@Jessica_thereader I repeated the same activity today in two of my interviews!
Twysted Raven says:
Guys can talk about their feelings? … and for two hours?? … Since when? I’m impressed, keep it up 🙂 oh and btw, this blog kills me 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
@Twysted Raven Well, we talk about our feelings, then we get naked and beat drums in the woods. It’s really liberating. And lame.
D.J. Paris says:
@Twysted Raven Well, we talk about our feelings, then we get naked and beat drums in the woods. It’s really liberating. And lame.
30 Day Challenges says:
Yes, you got more visitors if you write more articles.
Rick Wiedeman says:
How many calories per hour does one burn talking about his feelings? Great diet book idea. My follow up for the southern market: shooting xeroxes of people you hate at the gun range (250 cal/hour, 500 if you have to fetch your brass after every shot).