Cat Pee Tarp Purchased

meepers vs geese

I went out today to buy a cat-pee tarp.

My cat Pantaloons has a problem with inappropriate elimination. I’ve written about it on this blog at least a dozen times. Over the years I’ve tried a number of solutions including rubbing Prozac in her ears. Every so often, no matter what, she pees on my comforter or clothes left on the ground. After a lot of research online I’ve determined that this is probably just a brain glitch that can’t be corrected. If I’m wrong and one day I find a solution, awesome.

Until then I’m surrendering to her liberal bladder.

I am powerless on where or when she pees. Whether it’s on the bed, the ground, or even, like earlier today, the guest bathtub, it’s out of my control. In the ultimate act of acceptance I went out and picked up a weatherproof tarp cover that is going over my bed when I’m away. This will allow her to pee like a drunk twenty-one year old in the alley of my condo after a Mars Volta concert next door. She can whiz away.

In the past I have kept the door to my bedroom closed. But I always felt a little like a dick because there’s a loveseat in here that she adores more than anything. I’ve outfitted the room  with a second litter box. The thing that bugs me most of all, though, is when I come home and open the door it smells like stale D.J. farts. I keep the ceiling on 24-7 and it still reeks. I clean the sheets every week and all that, so keep your judgement down.

For me to throw the tarp over my bed will take an extra ten seconds each morning. I can handle that. She’ll be happier and I won’t have to freak out if I realize I forgot to close the bedroom door. I’ve been to the laundromat ten times this year because the comforter won’t fit in my washing machine.

One of the biggest things I’m working on personally is the need I have to control things. It’s exhausting. I’m specifically working on this with my girlfriend. I’ve tried to control women ever since I started dating. Now, not in abusive ways. Little things like, “Oh, next time do it this way.” Or, “Hey, I know you apologized, but you really didn’t say it in a way in which I believe you. Are you sure you’re sorry?” Of course, while I’m doing these things it seems totally logical and I don’t realize I’m being controlling.

I carry around a little notecard now that says, “Your inclination is to control Jessica [girlfriend]. You will think that you are absolutely right and want to change her. When you find yourself trying to correct her – STOP IMMEDIATELY.” This is a good reminder and in the past three days, I caught myself twelve times trying to change something about her actions or emotions. So, I thwarted twelve attempts. This is a good thing.

As I was walking around Home Depot today I thought there must be a ton of other areas in my life where I try to control outcomes. I’ve had a few therapists and each one has said how exhausted they would be if they were stuck in my thoughts. I run multiple scenarios for future action I want to take, trying to pick the best strategy for the best possible outcome, even when it’s just making lunch. I have a hard time simply making a sandwich when I think about what would be the most nutritious and exciting lunch I could create. Yes, this is nuts. I know.

So, I’m not exactly mellow. That’s okay, but if I could float down a river instead of trying to chart my own path that might be against the current, that would be helpful. Because the truth is that I can’t control hardly anything anyway. It’s an illusion. I mean I can’t even control my being controlling! The card in my pocket is evidence.

I’m going to start noticing each way in which I control and then just practice “letting go.” I’m terrified that it will all go to shit if I don’t control it, and maybe it will. That’s okay. I’ll just blame somebody else. Ooh, I could probably blame God! That will be fun. It’s the big guys’ fault! I like that.

In a totally unrelated story I was biking home and realized I had never seen how my dog or the geese I see every day would react together. I stopped and let Meepers out of her backpack. She looked at them. They panicked and started walking away slowly. I thought this photo was kind of neat.

meepers vs geese

22 thoughts on “Cat Pee Tarp Purchased”

  1. KateHall says:

    You must love that cat.  I should shut up though because we had a peeing cat until she disappeared last year.  She ruined our carpet (had it replaced as soon as we realized she was gone for good), found crap and pee in the sinks and tub ALL the time.  I loved her.  And I hated her.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      KateHall  Wow – crap in the tub? She’s just a pee’er.  Well, she’s not shitting up someone else’s sink. So, good for that.

  2. AndreaChmelik says:

    I am glad to see a fellow cat pee sufferer that comes up with a solution like cat pee tarp instead of kicking the cat out of the house. I have a male cat with a similar problem, only he managed to get himself obstructed and I am still trying to forget that bill we got from pet ER. On top of the newly purchased california king size down comforter he successfully destroyed a week prior to that. We tried porzac on him too (and pretty much everything including sending smoke signals to potential gods who are willing to listen, which is not too many, as it turns out.)
    Good luck with your controlling issues. Can’t relate all that much, but feel for your girlfriend. If my husband said any of those sentences you mentioned in your post, I’d probably raise my eyebrows and pack his bags.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      AndreaChmelik  Ha. Well, it’s a good thing we’re not an item! Every relationship has “pack bags” moments – it’s just be honest about conflict. I try to do that on the blog, warts and all. It’s not always pretty.

  3. hlsblue says:

    I need a cat pee tarp for basically my entire home. I have a cat with the same issue…just the when and where is always up in the air. Thankfully, never my bed but often my clothes. Yes, I leave my clothes in a pile on the floor and yes, I get dressed out of said pile like a dirty hippy, but nothing is worse than getting to work and realizing that smell is you. Here comes the tarp!! ha!

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      hlsblue  Yep, clothes on the floor are a spot for Pantaloons. Thankfully you just deposit them right into the washing machine and it goes away in a wash.

  4. Tannis says:

    I think you should do a post on  us stupid cat loving people who put up with this kind of stuff! I have one of these cats with a mis wired brain who thinks its ok to pee anywhere she pleases. Or poop! I have spent so much money on an enzyme product to take the smell out, that I am sure it would have equalled the cost of getting her a cat shrink. Her name is Angel but I call her Pissy Kitty! Good luck with that tarp! I have been known to do some crazy stuff when we go away, to which my husband just shakes his head!

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      Tannis  I just sent a message to my friend Tanis aka RedneckMommy and told her that I now have a “Tannis” reader and she is no longer necessary in my life. She will probably reply back that I am a stinky, stinky vagina.
      Mine has never pooped outside the box. Just peeps!

      1. Tannis says:

        tfpHumorBlog  Tannis  Oh come on, anyone named Tannis (no matter how you spell it!)  is necessary in your life! It’s a pretty cool name!

        1. D.J. Paris says:

          Tannis  That’s true – it is a cool name. Congrats to your parents!

  5. Katjaneway says:

    I’m controlling too. It’s hard for me to trust my husband with things that have to do with running the household. I don’t trust him to pay the bills on time or things like that, so I do it myself. If a therapist were to tell me to let it go and have him do it, I’d be freaking out the whole time wondering if the bills got paid. I keep an extra tight hold on the money. Although I think he might be good for it, he’s shown me in the past of both  responsibility  and the complete lack of it, so it’s hard to know for sure.  
    Oh, and be careful around those geese. They can and will attack >_<

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      Katjaneway  Well, we all have to know our weaknesses. I’m not good with paying bills on time, although I never miss because I set up auto-pay. I’m good with creativity and ideas, not with day-to-day chores. But, life is about balance and so I’m learning how to do it!

  6. strangevista says:

    Invest in an expensive air filter. Really does help.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      strangevista  Okay, I will! I’ll show you!

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      sjoyr04  Yes – great stuff!

  7. gypsykline says:

    I totally do the same thing with the multiple scenario thing in my head. It is totally exhausting. Especially when it doesn’t even come close to happening the way you imagine it in your head.
    Also, your cat is making you its bitch.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      gypsykline  Ugh, after two weeks of cat pee tarp working, I left it off yesterday. She peed twice on the bed. Ironically, she is sitting in lap as I write this, purring away.

  8. ladyjess78 says:

    In your defense, sometimes people just don’t apologize right. My ex used to say, “I’m sorry that upset you.” That, my friend, is a crappy apology and is basically the same as saying, “I am totally not sorry for what I did and I don’t even understand why you are upset, but I want this conversation to be over right now.”  
    Also, my cat used to always pee on my bathmat. I never understood what she had against my lovely lavender bathmat. It finally died. I washed the backing right off of it. Plus it was starting to look stragly. I bought a new one that’s memory foamy and she hasn’t peed on it since. I think sometimes cats just hate our stuff.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      ladyjess78  Right – that’s a passive aggressive, “F you!” The cat just gets excited about goose down. She can’t help it.

  9. Jane Will says:

    The best thing about that picture of Meepers and the geese is that you can see that her tail is wagging furiously. She’s all “That’s right, bitches…step along. MOVE IT.”

    Tell Meepers she rocks that sweater.

  10. Rory mouttet says:

    I’ve been a control freak ever since I lost my little brother. I have a post coming up about that and really enjoyed your perspective.

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