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I Have a Big Brag to Announce About My Greatness

pantaloons and ms meepers

I’ve been busy over the past two days.

First I released a new version of my Apple and Android app which include push notifications. Yes, you now get a popup whenever I write something new. Does my narcissism know no bounds?

Also I launched a Twitter web app which pokes around through your followers to see if anyone famous follows you. It’s pointless and silly but so are a majority of the activities in which I participate.

Okay, so now that the housecleaning is out of the way I’d like to publicly state that I’m a fantastic boyfriend.

This is not a proclamation from my ego. Believe me, there are many areas of life where I’m not proud. Just ask my therapist. She gets to hear all about it every Tuesday.

However, I have made a simple decision in my current relationship which has transformed the intimacy to a level I had never experienced before.

Years ago I was out at a party. There was a couple and the man was holding his girlfriend’s hand as they walked around the room. I watched them interact over the course of the evening and I noticed something that, at the time, seemed strange. He was constantly checking in with her and asking her what she needed.

He would make sure she had a full drink. Went around introducing her to his friends. Made sure she was having a good time.

Now, I know this couple. He’s not a controlling guy.  She’s not needy – in fact, she’s independent. However, you could see her appreciation each time he did something to show her he cared. It was obvious that she was the most important person at the party to him.

He understood a principle that I have only recently adopted.

Meeting your partner’s needs is the most important part of a relationship.

My guess is that at this party she felt insecure (she didn’t know anyone). To make her comfortable he never left her side. He was constantly touching and engaging her.

My girlfriend at the time remarked, “Wow – that’s a real man. Look at how he takes care of his woman.”

It took me seven years before I adopted this into practice. That’s not to say I was a jerk to my previous romances. I wasn’t. Often I tried my hardest to do things that I thought a good boyfriend should do. I didn’t, however, pay attention to what the woman actually needed.

This time I’m able to show up for the relationship in a new way. I make sure that my girlfriend’s needs are met first.

Now, I should point out that I’m dating an emotionally healthy person with reasonable needs. That helps.

I’ve paid attention over months and discovered what is most important to her. What makes her feel loved. Where and when she needs support. How to show appreciation in the way that she prefers.

Some of this I’ve learned by flat-out asking. “When you’re feeling sad, what should I do?” Other times I let my intuition take over and I do what comes natural.

The question I keep in the front of my mind is, “Does my woman need anything?” It’s a mantra to me.

When I see an opportunity, more often that not, I take action.

The damnedest thing has happened as a result of this focus. My woman feels like she is the center of my universe. She’s fulfilled.

Now, I’m far from perfect. I make mistakes and screw up in the relationship. She’s not always thrilled with me, I’m sure. But my batting average is solid.

In past relationships I used to worry about my needs being met. I withheld if I wasn’t receiving what I thought was fair. I no longer think or act this way. I now give at my fullest and assume that she will do the same. She does.

I wish somebody when I was younger would have sat me down and said, “If you take care of your partner, odds are they’ll take care of you. But you have to go first.”

Now, will I continue to put the work in as time wears on? I hope so.

pantaloons and ms meepers

For no reason at all here is my cat and dog.

 

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Comments 15

  1. Mothers little hleper

    How wonderful! I am dating again after a on /off relationship and I met this great guy but I am such a jerk that I don’t know how to be in a relationship, but I am learning, slowly, very slowly and I am inspired by your story! And that is one fat cat!
    Mothers little hleper recently posted…another fine mess

  2. Fascinatorium

    I do have to work at being less selfish in my relationship, and encourage my husband to be more selfish, or at least more vocal about what he needs and wants. My thinking is, doesn’t a happier me/you make for a happier us?

    By the way, is that a giant cat, a really tiny dog, or just an unkind camera angle?

  3. Jewel

    I have to admit that the cat and dog picture is amazing! Okay now that is out of the way…What you have explained is very transparent about who you are and what you have learned. Your blog post may give insight to others (male or female) in a relationship consideration of how they interact with each other.

  4. Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp)

    Your cat so reminds me of Bingo-La-Moose that my aunts and uncles had at my grandparent’s house when I was growing up!

    Paying attention to the needs of others first, regardless of relationship status, can make a huge impact not only in how we relate, but also in how we view our world. I have found that when I take the focus off of myself I can make an impact.
    Carrie Ann Tripp ( recently posted…Do It If God Said So–Not Because Man Said Not To

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  6. Linda Roy

    That’s excellent DJ! Personal growth is fun, isn’t it? I accused my husband of not caring when the upstairs TV lost sound and he was all downstairs watching the SuperBowl while lip read Dateline.
    This morning however, he sent me an ecard letting me know how sorry he is that the TV audio died.
    That’s more like it. A little compassion and sensitivity goes a long way. But now I really need the TV fixed.
    Linda Roy recently posted…I Don’t Like Mondays #50 – Free Wheelin’

  7. Parkes1213

    What a great post! I hope a lot of men will be inspired by this; it is really the truth. Relationships are a two way street and both partners have to give to each other. The man you speak of in the post sounds a lot like my husband. He skipped going off and watching the Superbowl on Sunday to spend time with me even though I encouraged him to go out :) Relationships involve sacrifices too. Thanks for sharing this.

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