Allison and D.J. Fix Your Stupid Problems About The Holidays

Allison and D.J. Fix Your Stupid Problems About The Holidays

I’ve never made out with anyone underneath mistletoe.

To be fair, if I’m at a friend’s home I’m not going to attack his wife because she happened to walk by the mistletoe plant on her way to the kitchen. Or sprig. Or whatever the hell mistletoe is. Nobody knows. What I do know is that it’s never helped me get over with the ladies. In the past I’ve even brought a tube of lip plumper to these parties, and taped it up next to the mistletoe so women can get their lips right for a kiss. I’m nothing if not thoughtful. But this column isn’t about me and my problems. It’s about yours. We got so many damn issues on this one topic, Allison Arnone and I are doing a part II next week. We started this advice column several months ago, and each time we do it we get more and more entries. It’s very much appreciated, and we respectfully bow to you. Now, go endure your family for the next week. It will be difficult, sure, but hey, your folks still load you up with some decent presents, and you’re thirty-seven years old. Just grin and bear it when mom starts in on your weight. Happy holidays! READ MORE

I Don’t Know When to Hold ‘Em or Fold ‘Em

While not wildly adept at playing craps, I am pretty decent at taking... forget it

I’m a terrible gambler.

This foolio has been living at the Rio in Las Vegas for the past three days. I haven’t sat down once at a table or slot machine.

I am surrounded by opportunity to play games and win some dough. So why aren’t I gambling? READ MORE

I’m Going Off Caffeine After Abusing the Sh*t Out of it

Well, at least I was never this guy

I’m going off caffeine.

For most of my life I wouldn’t let caffeine into my system. I decided at eighteen that it was a terrible chemical to introduce to one’s system and never let it pass my lips. In that same year I became an evangelist against milk and swore off the white. I had read a book which said both were evil and would be the downfall of health. You have to remember that this was before the internet and anything I read in a book was gospel. I fell for pretty much every new-age fad including chakra healing, food combining, subliminal positive messages, and neuro-linguistic programming. I studied hypnosis and moved my furniture around so my bed was in alignment with the earth’s polarity. I bought a juicer and had nothing but freshly squeezed orange juice for breakfast. Today we call that an unbalanced breakfast (and probably the onset of a candida fungus). Back then it was the healthiest thing you could do. READ MORE

Puns are Funs

3 people retweeted, and 9 followers "favorited" this. I'm proud.

When I’m on vacation with my family my immaturity reaches an all time high.

I revert back into childhood and jokewriting becomes a way to see how many puns I can funnel into a benign conversation. Because puns elicit groans (most of the time) I work on my delivery to try to sneak them into regular chit chat. It’s a little game I play with myself. READ MORE

What is NAMI? – BandBackTogether BlogAThon

Originally Posted on SinceYouAsked Today’s post comes from my friend, Rick Wiseman.   Rick and his wife of 49 years, Carol, live in Joplin with their oldest son and Carol’s mother.   Rick and Carol’s oldest son was first diagnosed with “borderline autism” around age 2.   At the time of his diagnosis there were no mental health services available in Joplin, so his doctor sent them to Tulsa to be diagnosed.   He has suffered with his illness throughout his life.   As an adult his diagnosis was changed to  Asperger’s Syndrome.   He has additional diagnoses and his difficulties became severe as an adult.   When their son started attending NAMI support groups, Rick and Carol noticed a marked positive change in him.   He suggested Rick and Carol also start attending the family support groups that NAMI offered.   This soon became their passion and they became deeply involved with NAMI, serving as volunteers, trainers, and board members of the Joplin affiliate. In the wake of the 2011 tornado, mental health has been of the utmost concern for health care professionals and counselors in Joplin.    According to the  Australian PsychologicalSociety, “Depression is the second most commonly observed psychological disorder in survivors of disasters followed by various problems with anxiety.”   Organizations such as the  Missouri Foundationfor Health  have recognized the need for increased support for mental health facilities and professionals following 2011’s disaster and have generously provided funding and manpower to help facilitate services for the many individuals who have suffered from  PTSD  (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) since the tornado.   These proactive measures have, in turn, helped maintain the overall well-being of our community. I am thankful for Rick’s insight on the importance of diagnosing and treating mental health illnesses, and I trust that his article will prove informative to you, as well. =&0=& By Rick Wiseman The  National Alliance on Mental Illness  (NAMI) is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to improving the lives of individuals and families affected by mental illness. NAMI has over 1,100 affiliates in communities across the country who engage in advocacy, research, support, and education.   Members of NAMI are families, friends, and people living with mental illnesses such as major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder. SOME MENTAL HEALTH FACTS The fact is this:  Mental illnesses are medical conditions that disrupt a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others, and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life. The good news about mental illness is that recovery is possible. Mental illnesses can affect persons of any age, race, religion, or income. Mental illnesses are not the result of personal weakness, lack of character, or poor upbringing. Mental illnesses are treatable. Most people diagnosed with a serious mental illness experience relief from their symptoms by actively participating in an individual treatment plan. In addition to medical treatment, psychosocial treatment such as cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, peer support groups, and other community services can also be components of a treatment plan and assist with recovery. The availability of transportation, diet, exercise, sleep, friends, and meaningful paid or volunteer activities contribute to overall health and wellness, including mental illness recovery. WHAT IS NAMI JOPLIN? Locally, NAMI Joplin provides support, education, and advocacy to our friends suffering mental illness and their families. We offer support groups, peer training, and training for other providers of mental health services, social events, and special events. NAMI Joplin has speakers available to present to your group or organization. For more information contact your NAMI Joplin office directly at 417-781-6264 or visitwww.namijoplin.org. NAMI Joplin is a 501 (c) 3 non-profit organization. Much of the information presented here is from NAMI information. Online fundraising for BAND BACK TOGETHER PROJECT at Razoo

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What I Won’t Tell You – BandBackTogether BlogAThon

Originally Posted at NextLifeNoKids

Comic created @ www.bitstrips.com

I would first like to thank JD Bailey @  honestmom, Allison  @  motherhoodwtf  and Jill @scarymommy  for inspiring me with their amazing honesty which encouraged me to write this.

I’ve dealt with a lot in life and have survived a ton in 34 years. I have faced all sorts of things head on and held on, some times with my knuckles, until these things have worked themselves out in time. I like to think of myself as a strong person and I like to help other people to a fault and often give until the well is dry. READ MORE

I’m Writing This Post High on Caffeine – A Confession

This guy's doing it all wrong. But I respect his intensity and focus.

As many of you know I don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs.

About three years ago I even gave up caffeine. While never a coffee or soda drinker (we grew up saying “soft drinks” because “soda” was too low-class), I got hooked on energy drinks. I was engaged at the time and my fiance thought it was cute that I had this one vice. Harmless, right? READ MORE

The Support Group I’m Trying to Save

On a completely unrelated note - here's a shot of Al Pacino starring in the Phil Spector biopic. How damned amazing does this look?

When my wife called me on a Wednesday and told me she had filed for divorce, I didn’t know what to do.

I went into shock. My biggest fear had become realized. Even though she had not mentioned the word divorce any our past therapy sessions in hindsight there were signs she was planning an escape. I just didn’t think the prison break would come that particular Wednesday. It was cowardly to do without mentioning to me in advance, and I was angry. I was also terrified. I felt like a failure. I needed to do something fast. READ MORE