She Liked My Whole “Look” (But I Never Showed Her My Bluetooth)

Who needs God's judgment when I have my own? And why is that dude taking a dump with the sun as a backdrop? I judge this.

Okay, this is going to sound benign but it really bothered me today.

I was embarrassed to be wearing my bluetooth headset while grocery shopping. Now, had I been having a conversation with an actual person, I would have felt more comfortable. But all I was doing was listening to a podcast. Sometimes I bring my headphones with me because, in my mind, it’s socially acceptable to be wearing headphones in public. But having a bluetooth headset is geeky and lame. READ MORE

So Now I Use Rogaine

Yes, I finally took a photo of myself in the mirror using my phone. I must be the only person ever to do this clothed.

Back in April the woman that cuts my hair dropped the hammer.

She suggested we start to leave my hair a little longer on top. I was really excited for this news because I was gearing up for a funky new summer ‘do. Turns out it was because my hair is thinning. Now, since that post went live she has gone to great lengths (get it?!) to tell me I’m exaggerating and that I’m not losing my hair. It’s just not as thick and luxurious as it was three years back. But if it’s not as thick that means there are few strands. Ergo, I’m losing hair. READ MORE

I Just Found Out I Spend More On My Haircuts Than My Girlfriend

If I were this woman's husband I would smack her hands and say, "You're using too much - too much, goddammit!" Women respect confidence.

Many things that I write about are unexpected. Here’s another one.

I got my haircut last night and, while driving home, called Jessica (the girlfriend). Wait, I’d like to back up a step and complain about something. Okay, if you read my stuff you know I bicycle to work and it’s pretty strenuous. I go to one of these high-end salons in the Gold Coast of Chicago off Michigan Avenue. For three years I’ve been a patron, and for three years I’ve biked there. I arrive covered in sweat with the helmet, my gross bike clothes, and my dog in a backpack. They couldn’t be nicer about it. During the winter months I take the subway still with dog in tow. READ MORE