Mothers are supposed to have at least one expression designed to send you into a frenzy of anger and frustration. It’s their job.
Mine is the moment my mom walks through the door of my condo. Without exception, she mentions that she can smell cat pee all throughout the house.
I’m not even going to pretend I won’t write about my cat anymore.
But this post is about revenge, people.
In the past I’ve talked about how I’ve fantasized of beating her silly each time she urinates outside the box. People were really upset that I admitted to having that thought. But every mom has had the idea of wringing their child’s neck at least once, and unless you have a really uncool local police that convicts people with crimes of the mind, it’s totally normal to have those moments. So, to reiterate, I have never beaten my cat.
I have promised never to mention cat pee problems again, but I just have to this once. It’s funny.
This post will not be about cat pee, by the way.
One of the challenges with administering Prozac to my cat is how to get it in her body. There’s really only a few options. The first is to shotgun it in her mouth with a plastic syringe. This is most effective, yet most dangerous. There are all sorts of videos on how to fire a pill down a cat’s throat, and it’s usually a two person job. You can do the liquid Prozac this way, too. What happened with my cat is that within a week she started hiding from me. The only other option is transdermal gel. You rub it into the inside of her ears. There’s a lot of debate about the efficacy of this technique since the drug molecules may or may not enter the cat’s membranes due to size.
This time I’m not going to write about my cat peeing on all sorts of stuff that isn’t kitty litter.
I’m going to explain the wreckage of past and present. The destruction left in her wake. I know wake is a noun referencing past events but let’s imagine she’s still speeding along in a cigarette boat. That way the expression works a little better.
I didn’t think I would have to write tonight as an interview I did with a UK radio station was broadcast live. I assumed it would go up on YouTube immediately after because I’m that important.
Well, just a few minutes back realized I missed not only the broadcast but that it wouldn’t magically go on Youtube seconds later. I need to write. So here I am. With nothing.
If you have a blog you have a Twitter account.
Earlier this month I crossed over thirty thousand Twitter followers. I’ve learned quite a bit about Twitter, having followers, and what it all means for me. And even though I shamefully bought my first few thousand friends, I earned every subsequent one fair and square. Twitter has become my main source of blog traffic according to my analytics.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
