Every other Monday after work I got to a men’s group where we talk about our lives, feelings, dealing with stuff, etc. Sounds girly? Nah. We do hug each other hello, though. Then we push the other guy away and yell a homophobic slur.
Anyway, this group is on the other side of town, in Logan Square. Which means I have to bike from the South Loop to Logan Square, which is a city ride. All streets. Normally I ride along the bike path on the lake – no cars.
The whole way there’s a bike lane which is a little area on the street where cars aren’t supposed to hang out.
Apparently, and unbeknownst to me, there was a car that didn’t like my activity in said lane.
I pulled up to a red light and I heard something behind me. I turned to see this attractive woman on a bike next to a car. She’s talking to the passenger window and it appears from her body language that she’s upset. I had been riding behind her for the past mile or so, and had just passed her on the previous block. I smiled at her as I passed with a, “Sorry, can’t help it – guys are better at stuff” look. She laughed.
Anyway, I pulled out my earbuds (I was listening to a John Mellencamp Best-Of album – not proud), and I heard her yelling at the people in the car. We’re still at the red light, by the way. I’m thinking that this bike chick must be nuts. Yelling at a car. That’s weird. But, lots of bike people are angry. I know. I ride with them every day.
She comes over to me right next to the car and asked:
Did she hit you?
What? No. Wait – hit ME? Huh?
That bitch just threw a penny at you while you were riding!
She did? Why?
She said you were in the car lane, but I was watching, and you were not in their lane!
She threw a penny at me? That’s awesome!
I went and yelled at them! Nobody does that to someone!
Well, think of the poor slob that has to be married to that. I feel bad for him.
Ha ha. Screw them!
This whole conversation took place not four feet from the window of the car. I thought it was hilarious. Now, I was a little upset – I mean, I have my dog in a backpack. And I’m not above praying for the destruction of my enemies.
Dear Lord/Jesus/Holy Ghost – please deliver Peyronie’s disease to this skag’s first born male child. This is where his penis will be super curvy and the dudes in high school will take a photo when he’s showering in P.E. and put it up on YouTube and the whole school will laugh and call him 90 because his dick goes 90 degrees the wrong way. And yes I understand it’s not his fault, but someone has to pay for his mom throwing a penny at me while I was riding. Lord hear my prayer.
I can’t believe I upset a woman so much that she threw a penny at me. It is a little insulting – the lowest form of American currency. Maybe if I become more famous someone can start chucking Susan B. Anthony dollars at me. That would be really nice.