Thoughts From Paris - True Stories - Funny Blog
by D.J. Paris on May 3, 2013
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I need YOU to determine the fate of the object in this video – tell me what to do, dammit!
47 comments… read them below or add one
auction it off for your marathon blog
I volunteer at a resale charity store. We do not want it.
I love this whole thread. You guys are awesome.
Eh…mail it to her. Why go through the uncomfortable scenario of a face-to-face meeting over that…creation…when the thrill is not there between y’all.
Either that or mail it to me and I’ll blow it up for your entertainment and post a YouTube video of the carnage. It’s probably best to put that poor box-thing to rest with a Viking -esque funeral sendoff of gunpowder and mayhem.
(c’mon, Man! Let me blow ‘er up!)
Blowing it up really is the best option. But I’m a pussy. I’ll just send the damn thing to her. I’ll be a nice guy.
Just an observation here: does it concern you that blowing it up seems like kind of an aggressive and/or violent gesture? Not that you are a violent or aggressive person, certainly, because, hell, maybe you are, I don’t even know you. But you strike me as the kind of a guy who actually does have a tendency towards self-scrutiny (this observation is based solely on what you write). What does it mean that you think this is the best option?
Ha – it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just funny. But, you’re right, it’s too aggressive for me. I won’t blow it up. But again – the idea is hilarious.
You might want to mention it at your next session. Just sayin’… (and really I’m just messing with you, I hope that’s clear)
I will mention it tomorrow at 10:15am. Now I have something to talk about!
I think it would be a great joke regift… especially to someone who knows the story and who can relive the laughter/awkwardness and then joyfully inflict it on someone else! Besides, after two dates there’s not enough angst to make destroying it satisfying.
Yeah, I can’t destroy it. Someone out there can use it. Not sure for what or why, but they can. I’m thinking of putting it on Craigslist and seeing who grabs it (free section) and videoing the whole thing.
Ah, I would look forward to that video!
Save it for a white elephant gift at Christmas, but make sure all your friends and family know about it so that whoever gets it, knows the joke. LOL Or, let cmonster the zombie blow it up. Then, it’s entertaining for us all.
I really would like to blow it up. But I can’t. I’d feel like a bigger dick than I already am.
That response made me laugh out loud.
I also just laughed out loud at that one!
I was going to say send a quick email to ask if she wants it, and if not (or she doesn’t respond) donate it to charity. Now, however, I want to see cmonster blow it up, because watching something explode into tiny ceramic shards might be entertaining.
There’s no way she wants it – I’m going to have to a creative giveaway!
soooo… NOT blowing it up, then?
I’m w/everyone; def give it away.. If she hasn’t talked to you or asked for it in almost a month, then there’s a good chance she could care less about it. (And if I were her, the last thing I’d want in my house is something that reminds me of a couple seemingly lackluster dates.) Perhaps there’s a five-year-old out there who’s trying to impress the girl he likes and so he’ll show her the cool candle thing he made? (And yes, I assumed a 5YO boy–and not a girl–would want it b/c from the video, that doesn’t look like something a girl would make. No offense to artistically challenged girls out there tho!)
Either charity or a friend/relative familiar w/this story would find a better use for it, I bet. Hope that helps!!
Ha! Thanks for the thoughtful reply. Keep reading!
Send it back to her……women are petty that way, you will forever be that jerk that kept her pottery!
Well, I’m already the jerk that talked about her in a video…
Oooo… Tough call. I’d text her and see if she wants it or not. Chances are that she’s not dying without it, though.
No way she wants it. I’m keeping it. And giving it away. Ha!
For one, if a guy took me to a pottery store on a date, I would scoop him up and marry him on the spot. But then again I live in a quiet little do nothing town (we do have pottery stores like the one you described) where all the men take you out to the bar and hope to get you drunk enough so you will sleep with them. You actually need a little imagination for clever dates around here and all men around here are not clever enough to think of stuff like that. Actually I am married, to one of those not so clever people. I do love him though. But the pottery thing – awesome idea.
I would hide it in a friends house and wait for them to find it. Then if they give it back to you, I would wrap it up and give it to them for x-mas. Although I do agree that blowing it up would be cool.
Hiding it in someone else’s house is not an awful idea. Will consider!!!
Make it part of your oSex podcasts or set it up prominently in the background or to the side. It totally represents a “relationship” and it’s funny and ridiculous…and ugly.
Ooooooohhhhh – that is awesome enough to might just work. See you at BlogHer!
Personally, I’d probably opt for a passive aggressive approach. Blowing things up doesn’t sound that cool to me, but that’s just me. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone else their urge to blow stuff up. If there was some way you could drop it off for her without having to actually see her face-to-face, you could just leave it with a note that *appears* to be simple and innocuous but implies an undertone of “here’s-your-fucking-candle-holder-don’t-think-your-total-lack-of-creativity-escaped-my-notice-thanks-for-the-date.” You’re creative, I’m sure you could think of something like that.
I loved all of this. Well said!!!!
Option 1: repaint it and send it back
Option 2: keep it and jot a note down about something you learned about yourself or dating in general and put it in the box.
Option 3: next time you are invited to someone’s house that you barely know
leave it in the bathroom on the sly.
I love your ideas! Brilliant!
i stumbled on this via twitter. and i think it is belittling. she will see it and feel incredibly insecure. perhaps she is not creative. perhaps you wiped the creativity out of her with your smugness.
a date that went wrong. let it be.
This is a good point. It was just such a weird scenario I had to talk about it. I rarely talk about dates, but I just thought the whole thing was funny. I don’t think she reads my blog, so it should be okay. Plus, she had a lot of great qualities, too. I dug her, we just weren’t a good match. But thanks for reading and commenting. I could have used more tact.
Buy a nice candle, put it in her painted box, wrap and mail it to her shop. It’ll show her that even if you two did not click, you are a classy and mature person. A lot classier than she is.
Yeah, I have to give it to her. She’s a lovely woman. I just wanted to do something fun with it.
Take candle and place in bottom or garbage can. Take empty 20 oz diet dr pepper bottle. Pour 4 fluid ounces of blue Works (like Draino but better) into bottle. Drop 4 small aluminum balls in bottle and put cap back on. Run
After explosion send your book to her to help her creativity.
You just won the internets today. Congrats, Doctor.
White elephant gift definitely
Not a terrible idea. But I do like giving it to someone who might actually use it. Craigslist free section, here I come! (filmed and put on the blog, of course).
Well I didn’t see the video, but I got the jist of it from the comments. I would just give it back to her if she doesn’t want it when she gets it back then let her be the one to get rid of it. Because women have big mouths and they talk to all the other women and it makes you look like the jerk. But if you do the right thing then the other women say hey he’s pretty Kool I wouldn’t mind going out with him, and your I am going to get laid factor goes up dramatically!! Where has if your a jerk it makes the other women question if they wanna give you the time of day so therefore it drastically bring down your getting laid factor!! So I guess it just depends on if you like getting laid or not your choice!!
I think you should keep it. As a stress reliever. Remember how awkward the date was and anytime you feel nervous or anxious, light a candle and laugh at life. OR….take it in your backpack while you ride around with a bag of tea lights. Put it on the table while at a restaurant. In the middle of a meeting at work. On the edge of Navy pier. In a candle lineup at the local church during a pierogi festival, right below Mary. On the El in an empty seat. To the Cubby Bear for a beer before you take it to Wrigley. On the glass edge, all alone, at Willis Tower. On the Sea Dog speedboat. On the shelf at the Frank Lloyd Wright home and studio store. Millions of possibilities. And for the love of god, photo document all of the odd reactions you get.
Get rid of it.
Two reasons; first, keeping it means having to get rid of it at a later date. No good reason to delay the inevitable. Second, the video will be your lasting memory…
Well sir, first and foremost; that does not belong to you. You stole an innocent woman’s candle thingie from some crazy craft lady’s store. How do you sleep at night knowing you stole not only your dates wacke but also that of a complete stranger who clearly showed some promise on the ceramic painting scene. You should be punished to the full extent of the law. BRING IT BACK TO THE STORE YOU BASTARD! That’s where common sense would be telling you that’s where they will both look first.
Secondly (and even I hate when people number their thoughts but I am making an exception because of the blatant abuse of date rules here) you really should not be showing women’s pottery on national internet. I hope napkin girl is a keeper, because who else is going to date you now that we all know you paint and tell? Why not just flash a photo of her vagina? What are you ten? Just because she doesn’t paint the way you like or didn’t laugh and start a paint fight at the venue with you that turned into wild public sex she’s just not cool enough for you. I think you should know that yellow and green go very nicely together, and it’s a fucking candle holder, so obviously she knows it will only be seen in the dark and it was a clear invitation for sex and she was trying to tell you that…and oh man…it’s just all too much…there’s so much work here that needs to be done and because I don’t know you I just can’t spend the energy. That sentence alone was so bad it has ruined my morning and giving you advice is clearly as pointless as paying my gas bill.
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