I was talking to Jessica last night and she had asked how therapy went earlier that morning.
Well, you know how the night before I was mad at you because I thought you weren’t paying enough attention to the television?
She remembered. It’s hard to forget your boyfriend nearly yelling at you for keeping you eyes on your plate of food instead of up at the television. I am so nuts I literally watched her watching the tv. I counted twenty seconds of her staring at the plate without looking up. For some reason this was totally unacceptable.
Please understand that I know this is nuts. And cruel. But yet, in that moment of anger, I can’t see past it. Somehow what she’s doing is not only an affront to the television show, but a flat-out attack on me. Yes, this is why I frequent a shrink.
My therapist, who rarely dresses me down, flatly said, “You can be a real shit to your girlfriend.” Then she listed all the stuff Jessica has done for me lately.
- Drove up from Atlanta 13 hours with her dog
- Made my dinner several times
- Stayed home while I flew to NYC for BlogHer and took care of house, my dog, her dog, and my cat
- Completely rebuilt my master closet
- Bought me a dress shirt at Nordstrom’s
- Various trips alone to Target for things she thought I would like
This is what we can all agree is a good woman. And yet I can be a shit. It’s distancing and damaging to the relationship.
During therapy we talked about where it came from in childhood and what feelings were present. Then my therapist said something I never thought she would say.
You have anger towards women.
I laughed at the absurdity of that idea. I had just spent three days in NYC with five thousand women and had a great time! Most of my readers are women. I celebrate Women’s Day in late October. Okay, I made that up.
But then it hit me. I really am angry at women.
Not toward you. And hardly any of the time does this anger manifest in real life. But it can come out, albeit subtly and unintentionally.
As I was telling Jessica all of this I bragged about how self-aware I was and how clearly nobody she had ever dated be this adept at knowing their own psychological makeup.
Yes, you are the most self-aware man I’ve ever dated, and that’s a good thing. However, you also act out the most of anyone in ways that make me feel dehumanized.
I’m a glass half-full guy, so I did a celebratory fist pump to the sky. No, actually it was horribly depressing to know that I say more mean things than anyone she has dated. Now, I’m not beating myself up here. I’m just owning my shit. I’m clear that 99% of the time I am a compassionate, loving, and fun person to be with. At least my mistress says so. Zing!
So, I am working on taking this self-awareness of crazy and trying to limit my shitty behavior. It just takes time, sadly.
To end on a positive note, tonight I made Jessica a spicy peanut thai noodle dish from Bon Appetit. Then I yelled at her for clanking the fork against her teeth. I was right to do it.
photo credit: Maccio Capatonda via photo pin cc
TRfromRL says:
If you treated a little kid like that, it would mess them up big-time. They would grow up never feeling good enough, and then never knowing why. Did your parents treat you like this too? Maybe that’s where you learned it?
Also….hmmmm….. Why are so many women attracted to men who are inherently angry at women?
Craziness Abounds says:
You better be careful. A girl that will take that kinda behavior and still stay may be a Saint. I’d have stabbed you with said fork. 🙂
ModMomBeyondIndieDom says:
Being aware of these tendencies is half the battle. Is it an “I’m going to push you away before you can push me away” thing? I’ve been there. Your girlfriend is a real keeper, so don’t fuck it up, son. (And next time give her chopsticks. Quieter.) 😉
amberrisme says:
@klloomis11 @tfpHumorBlog Not me, him! LOL
Juststuff3 says:
You need to recognize this shitty behaviour before it manifests itself and stop being so self absorbed…you are not the only one who matters….sorry to be so blunt…you owe me 50.00$ now 🙂
SunnySays says:
Whoa, thot we were dating for a sec or that my boyfriend had written this. Surreal. I immediately sent this to him. We laffed as he experienced some denial. Good times.
mamaliciousindc says:
Your girlfriend can build a closet? Um…does she need any new friends, say, in the DC area?
flybrariman says:
@RachelintheOC @tfpHumorBlog Hard time seeing the humor in this one? #shedeservesbetter #dontyouthink? #dontbeadick
TheLibAubuchon says:
Dude, you totally are. Don’t know if you recall but one night when I was first learning how to use Twitter (shutup) I sent a tweet saying I just accidentally tweeted about 40 messages to you. You RT’d it with some snarky reference to a “stalker filter.” I tagged you as a lady hater. Really glad to see you owning it. And this is meant in the nicest mean way possible, btw.
Ofiona says:
Geez, I’d give my right arm to get my husband’s head OUT OF the tv. If the tv is on and I talk all he hears is blah, blah, blah. He says it’s a bit like the teacher in the old Peanuts cartoons. He is aware I am always on the lookout for his replacement.
knightndaze says:
Read this book then: http://www.amazon.com/Controlling-People-Recognize-Understand-ebook/dp/B001UISGUC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1350886116&sr=8-2&keywords=controlling+people+patricia+evans or maybe your girlfriend will want to read it. I promise it’ll be worth it. (yay, promise from internet stranger – that’s worth heaps!) Anyway, it’ll tell you why her not watching TV feels like an attack on you.
knightndaze says:
Ahh, dammit. Oh well, it’s called Controlling People, adn by Patricia Evans. Get it from the library or something, maybe
long lasting erection says:
Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was wanting to know your situation; many of us have
created some nice methods and we are looking
to swap solutions with other folks, be sure to shoot me an
e-mail if interested.
Johnny says:
WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for semenax pills
buy idol lip says:
Whoa! This blog looks just like my old one!
It’s on a totally different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!