This eight-year reign of awesomeness is over.
Every other Sunday I reward my taste buds with seven strips of bacon. I look forward to this ritual of destroying my arteries. It’s good fun and a great way to start a Sunday feeling amazing and terrible at the same time.
I believe in my appliances. I like to exercise their ability to do things they were never meant to do. Stretch their mechanical muscles. I routinely put whole rotisserie chicken carcasses in my garbage disposal. This goes against good judgment and common sense. But I’ve conditioned the disposal and now it can take down a full chicken in about thirty seconds. I even made a video and put it up on YouTube. I believe in my appliances.
In this same vein I put fully dripping grease pans directly into the dishwasher.
First, let’s talk about tinfoil. Sure it helps with the mess, but I have a totally unfounded belief that it cripples the bacon’s ability to perfectly crisp. I don’t like it, and I don’t use it. I can appreciate that you flip foil up on the edges to catch all the grease. That’s a good thing – if you’re a total pussy who’s afraid of getting grease on a five dollar baking sheet, that is.
Me, I take the bacon, defrost it, and carefully lay the strips directly on the pan bottom. I’m not afraid. If it burns a permanent mark into the aluminum, I can handle it.
About two years ago I realized I had completely destroyed the bottom tray in my toaster oven because I put food directly on the rack without tinfoil. I went online to see how much a new bottom was going for – $7 with free shipping. I ordered three and sullied forth.
I have these SOS pads under my sink that must be from 1998. I’ve never used them. I’m not into digging around to remove every black speck that’s stuck to my pots and pans. It seems like way too much work plus the texture totally freaks me out. I can’t even handle cotton balls, much less it’s tougher big brother, steel wool.
I cook the bacon in the oven, remove them from the pan and then place the whole burned, greasy mess into the dishwasher. No fumbling around in the garbage for a discarded can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew to catch the oil. My dishwasher can handle it.
Well, at least it could until this past weekend.
I was doing a normal clean after my fondue date and I noticed some disgusting yellow shit water at the bottom of the dishwasher. It wasn’t draining. I said a prayer to St. Joseph and ran a full cycle again. Nope. Then I ran it two more times over the next few hours. I’m sure I wasted some water, and I can understand how you don’t appreciate my conservation. I’m just being honest. Still wasn’t draining.
I thought, “Well, it’s been a good run. I regret nothing!” and reached for my plumber’s phone number. Before I called I decided to try to plunge the drain hole. I ran it once more. It drained.
I’m not 100% sure the line was clogged with bacon grease. Could have been any one of the foodstuffs that was attached to my plates. I don’t rinse before putting on the rack. I live on the edge. But I know it’s time to adjust my plans. You don’t come back from the dead twice. My dishwasher headed toward the light and God sent it back to me. I respect this.
I’m not sure exactly what to do next. Tinfoil? Soup can? Become a Muslim and disavow pork products?
Odds are that I’ll just start dumping future bacon grease directly into the garbage disposal. Go ahead and cringe and praise Allah that you’re not married to me.
Kat says:
I’m pretty cavalier about bacon grease myself. I don’t own a dishwasher so I just turn on the hot water tap, pour the grease down the drain and keep the hot water running for a minute to make sure that the grease is washed away. Yeah, it wastes hot water and yeah, I run the risk of it not all washing away, leaving my pipes full of hard pork fat but I’m just a risk taker. That’s how I roll!
Kate Hall says:
Oh man. Go with the soup can while it’s still wet. It’s so easy. Then wipe the excess off with a paper towel and throw it in the trash. You’re such a man.
Robin says:
Down the disposal with some hot water, say I.
I’m not a huge plate rinser myself, however I don’t want to use or eat off of greasy dishwear. I was recently living in the UK, and caught my flat mate cooking fish, rinsing the dish, sans soap, and putting it on the dish rack. Too far. He took it too far.
(Granted he was a 23 year old guy.)
(But still…)
Frances says:
Ha ha — I know exactly what tactile qualities you’re talking about when it comes to SOS, cotton balls, steel wool, et al. I can’t handle it either. Just the thought of the sound/feeling combo gives me goosebumps. But then, so does your dish-washing routine!
Katjaneway says:
I know this goes against your cleaning principles and all, but I just wipe it up with a few paper towels. When I end up with a bunch of grease, I will stuff a few in a cup and just pour the grease over them. You end up with a dirty cup, but since you seem to like running the dishwasher while empty, I doubt a dirty cup bugs you that much lol
Brandon says:
Just pour it down the drain with the hot water running like Kat said. It’s never failed me; but if the sink DOES eventually clog up a bit, Draino will take care of it.
Marjorie McAtee says:
Sounds like your garbage disposal can handle it. Good call on the plunging. Always plunge before calling the plumber.
Melanie says:
lol I think your dishwasher was just too good to you! 😉 glad you will no longer be feeding it that yucky grease.
Barry says:
Interesting take on your dishwasher and appliances D.J. I think this is definitely one area that you get what you pay for. Happy cooking!
Lianda says:
OMG DJ- and those of you who toss that oil and fat into the water supply! Come ON- Get a little more gentle with Mother Nature!
Where do I begin: Oil/fat should never go down the drain. Bacon grease, when hot will flow, but our water treatment systems are not meant to clean oils! Bacon grease should be put into a paper source, and go out with the trash, where it WILL biodegrade naturally.
And, for your health: ALERT: don’t cook with aluminum: there have been verifiable links to Alzheimers from aluminum use (and yes, it’s even in most deodorant).
As far as your chicken carcass – that could make great soup (healthy…. getting my drift here?) And if not, chicken fat – like oil, should not go into the water supply.
OK, I forgive you because you didn’t know how bad this is for the environment. But now you know…. Please protect you Mother (earth) and future generations. : )
Cheryl Nicholl says:
Oh my word. Bacon grease directly into the dishwasher. Hummmm. And future plans for directly down the drain. Hummmm. I think you should try the bacon on paper towels in the micro for 3 minutes. Much cheaper then paying for a plumber’s kids college education.
D.J. Paris says:
Microwaved bacon is the worst. Shame on you! 🙂
another jennifer says:
I say keep eating bacon and wash the pan by hand. Done.
D.J. Paris says:
Yes, you’re as bad as me. Congrats!
Robin says:
Wow. People have done serious opinions in regards to the disposal of bacon grease. Can’t wait for other controversial issues…
On the edge of my seat.
D.J. Paris says:
Wait until they read my post on how I don’t pick up my dog’s poop. (I really don’t)
Kristina says:
For whatever reason, I’m finding I have a lot of respect for your ability to acknowledge and embrace your tendency to be a disaster. Rereading that it sounds kind of insulting, but I swear, I completely mean it as a compliment!
D.J. Paris says:
Being a disaster – hilarious.
Leslie Anneliese says:
Praising… Allah… in regards to this topic. 😉
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
You made up for the lack of water conservation by not using the tin foil. Evens out. And does anybody use the S.O.S pads? I’ve had ’em under the sink forever and so do a lot of people I know. It’s not like I go around checking under people’s sinks or anything…I just know these things.
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
PS…First washing the urine soaked pet mat in there and now this? I’m surprised your dishwasher still has the will to live. Chug on, oh sudsy one…chug on.
Vanessa says:
I will wash anything in my dishwasher. Toaster looking a little scuzzy? In it goes. Coffee maker peeing brown tarry coffee drips? In it goes. Hand blender? The only challenge is making sure the cords don’t get hung up.
That, and making sure no one plugs them in too soon.
Shoes come out smelling nice and fresh, but the glue can’t take the heat.
Jean Heff says:
I am your dishwashing machine twin. I was just thinking today about those clean/dirty flip magnets people put on their dishwashers and how I would NEVER need one because I can easily tell if my dishes are clean or dirty. I don’t wash anything before I throw them in. You should probably pinterest your method of cleaning out bacon grease from a dishwasher by the way.
Jen says:
DO It Do It Do It!!!! Why stop now….and thanks for the tip. I have totally over-used my garbage disposal and it’s still ticking. Not so much the washing machine. It doesn’t like all my king size bedding, including comforter getting washed once a week, so it leaks and jumps. But the dishwasher has clearly been getting the easy way out, no more my friend!
FormerArabianResident says:
Thank you Allah, the Creator of humans and pigs, that I’m not married to someone who eats pigs and dumps its grease in the garbage disposal.
I’m an Indian Muslim who grew up in Saudi Arabia and now a proud Chicagoan. Growing up, like all curious kids my age, my friends, cousins and I asked our parents why we were forbidden to eat piggy ..our indian parents said it’s because pigs eat poop and they bathe in dirt and female pigs have multiple male partners in their lifetime. So you become like them if you eat pigs..and then they also went on to reason that IT’S exactly the reason why American and European women are whores ..it’s because they eat pigs. This was probably their way of saying you are what u eat. I spent the greater part of my childhood in the US so I’m not even close to half as prejudiced and ethnocentric as my Indian compatriots (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2325502/Map-shows-worlds-racist-countries-answers-surprise-you.html)
Still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.
PS: I searched your blog for muslim to gauge how anti or pro muslim you are. I am not sure where you fit ..just being honest
FormerArabianResident says:
I like reading humorous blogs.. fancythatfancythis.com is one of my favorites ..a classy indian muslim lady
I followed u back on twitter but If I find u to be prejudiced you are going to have one less reader that’s all :P.. You have a large fanbase, and one less reader who doesn’t share your sensibilities is not going to hurt your blog