I Totally Got Gypped On My Date Tonight

by D.J. Paris on May 14, 2013

I’m writing this from a date in progress. A ThoughtsFromParis first, as it were.

A woman I’m seeing who requested that I don’t use her real name (it’s Helen) asked me over for dinner tonight. The first bloggable moment came in the way she brought up this dinner over the phone.

Would you like to come over for dinner?

Sure! Thanks! What are you making?

Well, here’s the thing. I have some stuff, but you’re a much better chef than me.

Okay…

How about if we made dinner together and you assisted?

Now, I do love to cook. And, I’m decent at it. But it’s not often when someone invites me over to dinner. It’s even less often when I’m invited over for dinner but have to do the cooking. Truth be told, I was thrilled to even be invited. I have no problem putting together the dishes, and I’ll even clean up afterwards. I just love entertaining. When I told my friend and co-host of oSex Karen that I was having dinner made for me she said:

It’s not a true invite if you have to do the cooking. You’re getting gypped!

Now, when I got to the condo, there was much less work for me than was anticipated. All I had to do was take chicken breasts and put them in the oven. All the prep work was done. I was expecting to don the apron, open up a Bon Appetit and start slinging paprika.

The next hilarious moment came when I went to sit down to eat. Since I’m not a total animal I always take a napkin and lay it on my lap before eating. As soon as I went for cloth (which was ON my placemat as seen below), I was told…

Napkin

I couldn’t wait to slobber all over it.

Oh, please don’t use that cloth napkin.

But it’s on my placemat!

Um, the thing is… it’s dry clean only.

I’m not worthy of dry cleaning?

As I said this last line she was already up tearing a square off of a Bounty paper towel holder to hand to me. I started laughing that not only was I not getting to use the decorative hand towel, but that I was going from the best case scenario (cloth) to the worst case scenario – the paper towel, half piece.

Even worse she accidentally wiped her hands on the paper towel and started mashing it together as she handed it to me. As I accepted it I asked if she could get me a fresh piece since I didn’t need the one that had her hand gook all over it. She laughed and was embarrassed, not realizing she was handing me the soiled square.

Dinner was great and then we relaxed until dessert. She told me excitedly that she had ice cream waiting in the freezer. I was thrilled at the idea of finishing off the evening with some Breyer’s vanilla bean.

So, about that ice cream. Let’s do it!

But you’re on a diet and need to lose ten pounds to win the bet with your father!

That’s true. So, I probably shouldn’t have ice cream.

No – that’s a good decision.

But you offered ice cream! You promised ice cream!

I’m really looking out for you.

I just got gypped again!

So in the end, I didn’t exactly get a homecooked meal, a real napkin, or dessert. But I do have to say that my host is an amazing person and we laughed about all of this. She made me sit down and write this post from the condo, and has been reading over my shoulder the whole time.

The truth is she’s not bossy, inconsiderate, or selfish. I almost never write about dates, but she insisted that I had to. I told her I was just going to write about my bike ride to work, but we agreed that would have been boring.

Next time I’m bringing my own cloth napkins, because I’ll be damned if I’m not worth a little dry cleaning.

Oh, I need to go buy some cloth napkins, now that I think about it. I don’t own any. I guess I don’t even think I’m worth it!

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15 comments… read them below or add one

Carrie May 15, 2013 at 6:11 am

so will there be a date #2 with the woman who gypped you? Do we actually get the real post today of what you really thought as I know you couldn’t write what you wanted with her standing over you. I thought that part was kind of weird as well. Maybe she was looking for the fame.

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Quirky Chrissy May 15, 2013 at 6:51 am

She sounds like a keeper…you know as long as she lets you use the fancy napkins once in a while. Also, you can get some pretty nice machine washable napkins just about anywhere.

Also, what Carrie said.

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Julie May 15, 2013 at 8:33 am

Doesn’t she know that she SO should have let you use the cloth napkin. It would only be later in the relationship that she should have pulled the “Oh I don’t think so. Bounty is where it’s at card. Now clean the dishes and go get me DQ.” ;)

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Lovelyn May 15, 2013 at 10:44 am

I need to invite someone to my house to cook for me.

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Spanish Kitchenette May 15, 2013 at 2:08 pm

I much prefer authentic people like this woman and her paper napkins more than that kind of people showing off all the time, that give you towel napkins while the hide the paper ones under the chair.

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mothers little hleper May 15, 2013 at 4:38 pm

She made you write this post while at her condo and she looked over your shoulder?
Doesnt anyone else think that this is a bit strange?

She invites you over for home cooked food and you end up doing the cooking and you dont get dessert? There are lower caloried (is that even a word) desserts, and she should have had that in the freezer instead as she was so concerned about your diet.
and as for the napkins… if you dont want anyone to use them dont put them out

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Kathy Hadley May 15, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Thank goodness I read this to the very end. I was thinking you were a real jerk blogging about a date.

Is nothing private any more? ;-)

Kathy

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Lianda May 15, 2013 at 5:46 pm

I can hardly remember about dating- but here’s two things that stuck out for me (being they coincide with my interests). #1 – EAT the ice-cream. It doesn’t make you fat; stress does; and depriving yourself of something you want is stressful. Just eat it mindfully and enjoy it! You’ll see, a little goes a long way when you’re paying attention.
#2. PLEASE, not even joking, say that you’re not worth it. I can see that you enjoy being humorous, but don’t make yourself (or anyone else) the brunt of jokes that are self-deprecating. That too, is something that sticks in your head, and translates into stress!
YOU are obviously the keeper! : )

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Alana (@RamblinGarden) May 15, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Not sure here. Being able to laugh – good. But some of the behavior sounds downright strange to me. By the way, next time, have the ice cream.

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Natalie the Singingfool May 15, 2013 at 10:28 pm

Why put out the napkins if they’re unusable?
It doesn’t make any sense!
But makes for good copy…

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TJ May 16, 2013 at 7:59 am

Triple-gypped! That’s a whole lot of gypping going on!
Love that you weren’t permitted to use the napkin!

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Audrey May 16, 2013 at 10:31 pm

Hi, I’m new to this blog and I’m liking it! It’s good that you didn’t take these awkwardish moments very seriously. And she seems cool with you writing about it so she is a keeper! Way to go!

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Vera May 18, 2013 at 9:39 pm

Audrey,

Couldn’t agree with you more! This chic sounds way cool! She must make DJ feel pretty comfortable if he is blogging about the date during the date.

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Audrey May 20, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Fingers crossed, haha!

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Eleanorjane May 19, 2013 at 4:29 pm

So you didn’t get dessert, eh? (nudge, nudge…)

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