I got to my gate exactly one minute before the doors closed today. It was awesome. My streak of never missing a flight is in tact, people! Update your notes.
When I walked onto the plane an elderly woman was in my seat. I officially had the aisle seat yet she had claimed it. I completely understand and would have done the same thing. We’ve all done it. Slid to an open seat hoping to God that the latecomer isn’t looking your way.
When that door closes and no one else is lumbering up the aisle you want to pump your fist to the heavens and thank God. Or, maybe you want to shake your fist at God. ”I beat you, God!” I’m not sure about the exact nature of your relationship with the big guy. Either way, you’re feeling great.
Then, decisions! Do you put all your crap on the other chair or beneath the seat? If you put it next to you, will you try to belt it in, just for a laugh? I have. How about a seat switch, mid-flight? That’s a great time. I know the first thing that flies up is the armrest between the two seats. If you could rip if off and chuck it at the head stewardess, you would. That whole area is one now. Your one.
So, this old lady was in my seat. The aisle. Clearly she thought I wasn’t coming and slid over. I assumed that once I got there she would sheepishly move over to the window. The window seat sucks eggs. Occasionally you find some weirdo that prefers the window seat. Those people are awesome, but, if you gave them the Myers Briggs Personality Test, they would fail and authorities would be called to haul them away.
But, D.J., what about sleeping against the window? If you enjoy sleeping against plastic that’s vibrating at 4500 rpm you need to book an MRI right away. Your brain is goofy.
She didn’t budge and simply looked at me. I was going to have to ask her to move. To the seat she chose. In front of everybody. Not cool, old woman.
For a split second I was going to give this old lady a break and simply slide in next to her. But, I didn’t. Screw it.
I smiled and mentioned that she was in my seat. She feigned shock and said she didn’t know which seat was which. Right… I would have respected her more and maybe given up the seat if she would have just said:
I was hoping you didn’t know you had the aisle and I was trying to trick you.
So, I made an old lady slide over to the window. We didn’t speak the rest of the flight. I guess the moral of this post is to not let old ladies get away with stuff? I really don’t know. I’m sitting in a woman’s bathrobe on a couch right now drinking a non-alcoholic beer. What do I know?