My girlfriend Jessica drove all the way from Atlanta to Chicago yesterday. She brought her cat and dog, who also is a chihuahua. Just in case you’re new to the site, I also have a chihuahua.
If you don’t know the story of how I met Jessica through this site, you can read that story here.
Now that I think about it, driving for twelve hours to come visit is a bit surreal to me. It was only a year and a half ago that my wife divorced and moved across the country to the west coast. Here’s another thing – I have never left a girlfriend. They have all left me. Now, it’s not like I had dozens of serious relationships. Only four or so in my life. But they’ve all left.
I’m not worried about Jessica taking off. I’ve been in therapy and various support groups for over three years straight, and worked through a lot of the issues that would cause me to attract women that leave.
Okay, enough emotional claptrap. This is a humor blog, for chrissakes!
So last night my girlfriend awoke and saw this. Since she didn’t record it with video I’m going to explain what was happening.
I, dead asleep, with arms crossed, was tickling my upper triceps with light fingernail brushings. Then, I moved to my forearms doing the same thing. Next I went to my ears, and then the sides of my face. She said it was amazing that I had such precision in my movements. I then did my thighs and then stopped. This was over five minutes long.
I have written before that I wake up regularly with my forearms in the air lightly tickling them. The feelings is nothing short of pure ecstasy. A 9.9/10 on the pleasure scale. I told this story once to a woman at a dinner party and she basically leapt across the table to hug me, as she thought she was alone in this craziness. The rest of the dinner party was thoroughly creeped out.
I believe this light tickling thing is symptomatic of Sensory Processing Disorder. I’ve written about this extensively, and how I get so much pleasure and comfort from that lead apron at the dentist that I looked into buying one on Ebay. Then an animal hospital graciously donated a lead vest, gloves, and neck protector.
So, while we don’t have video of me lightly tickling myself, here is a photo with all my heavy lead things that us SPDers love so much.
Try to top that in weirdness, readers!