My girlfriend Jessica drove all the way from Atlanta to Chicago yesterday. She brought her cat and dog, who also is a chihuahua. Just in case you’re new to the site, I also have a chihuahua.
If you don’t know the story of how I met Jessica through this site, you can read that story here.
Now that I think about it, driving for twelve hours to come visit is a bit surreal to me. It was only a year and a half ago that my wife divorced and moved across the country to the west coast. Here’s another thing – I have never left a girlfriend. They have all left me. Now, it’s not like I had dozens of serious relationships. Only four or so in my life. But they’ve all left.
I’m not worried about Jessica taking off. I’ve been in therapy and various support groups for over three years straight, and worked through a lot of the issues that would cause me to attract women that leave.
Okay, enough emotional claptrap. This is a humor blog, for chrissakes!
So last night my girlfriend awoke and saw this. Since she didn’t record it with video I’m going to explain what was happening.
I, dead asleep, with arms crossed, was tickling my upper triceps with light fingernail brushings. Then, I moved to my forearms doing the same thing. Next I went to my ears, and then the sides of my face. She said it was amazing that I had such precision in my movements. I then did my thighs and then stopped. This was over five minutes long.
I have written before that I wake up regularly with my forearms in the air lightly tickling them. The feelings is nothing short of pure ecstasy. A 9.9/10 on the pleasure scale. I told this story once to a woman at a dinner party and she basically leapt across the table to hug me, as she thought she was alone in this craziness. The rest of the dinner party was thoroughly creeped out.
I believe this light tickling thing is symptomatic of Sensory Processing Disorder. I’ve written about this extensively, and how I get so much pleasure and comfort from that lead apron at the dentist that I looked into buying one on Ebay. Then an animal hospital graciously donated a lead vest, gloves, and neck protector.
So, while we don’t have video of me lightly tickling myself, here is a photo with all my heavy lead things that us SPDers love so much.
Try to top that in weirdness, readers!
Well, to be fair, they didn't say the vest was clean.
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12 comments… read them below or add one
My husband has full conversations with me in his sleep. After a few minutes I usually figure out he’s sleeping (the conversation starts out normal and devolves quickly).When I tell him that he’s sleeping and to stop talking, he argues with me. We end up in a huge fight about whether he is in fact sleeping or not and every morning he has no recollection of the conversation….
I wish his problem was tickling himself – I might be able to sleep then.
@CarrieSieffert Record the conversations. I’ll post one here. Please.
My husband sleeps with his eyes open. Not wide as in “he looks dead” open but open enough that the first time I saw it I jumped out of bed and screamed and punched him square in his chest. Purely to make sure he was in fact NOT dead. He woke up and thought something had fallen. I was inclined to agree with him. Hey don’t judge we were only married 2 weeks. I didn’t want him thinking I was out to kill him so soon. Fast forward 16 years (or an eternity) later and I have a 6ft 4 200lb snoring,wriggling,cover stealing, flatulent, talks in his sleep with his eyes open husband. BE JEALOUS………I some how doubt I topped that but I just wanted you to know it’s not you its your gender. But we love you all the same.
@shy_one96 My cat does the same thing. Her eyes flutter about and it freaks me out.
Why the hell would a vet “donate” items to you? Freaking weirdo.
@kristalpistol87 Kristal, you have more judgement than a federal judge. (oh yeah, I know that’s a 1.5 on the joke scale. Couldn’t come up with anything better.)
Wow, that’s weird that you tickle yourself unawares like that. BTW, love the pic. The dog is all like “Yeah, this is MY SPOT.” I used to talk in my sleep. I’d wake myself up, or my partner would wake me up by asking wtf I was talking about, and I’d try to explain, but once I was awake it would make no sense, and then I’d completely forget what I was talking about. When I was in school and living with my parents, I took a lot of naps, and my parents would wake me and say “we’re going to Costco” etc, I’d say okay and immediately fall back to sleep. I’d wake up an hr later and my parents were nowhere. I’d be like “where did they go? Why didn’t they tell me they were leaving?!” And they’d get back, I be like “wtf?” (without the f part since I wasn’t allowed to cuss) and they’d be like “We told you we were leaving” and I was like “nuh-uh!” Kinda funny.
The hubs does the arm tickle/scratch gently thing in his sleep too. Freaks me the hell out. I don’t GET IT. But he says it feels “glorious.” Y’all are fucking WEIRD.
I am lovin’ the pic… but thought that additional piece was a junk protector?! Expected to see you completely nekked under that lead. You’re a freak. And that is why I adore you. :)
@Gwennie It does feel glorious. It’s pure ecstasy. Remember when that word meant something until the drug came around and changed it’s meaning? I still use it. (the word)
Love it! I want one! Does your vet have any more Lead-Stuffed-Chihauhuas-Adorned-Aprons?
My husband once shot out of bed and began pacing by the foot of the bed frantically. I got up and got worried and asked him, “What happened? What’s wrong?” And he tells me (while sleep walking) he is pacing outside the delivery room while I am inside the delivery room in labor!! I was all of 4 months pregnant then!!! Still laugh when I remember this.
Hey,
I was just searching the internet about this “tickling hands” topic and I was so surprised to find that there are so many people doing the same thing. I thought I’m the only one doing it.
But its true, I have my own theory about it, I think my body releases some kind of happy-hormones because it does feel ecstatic. I’m just curious why can’t I find more information about it.